Game Update July 20th

Good morning, Füsters! Just a quick update as we approach the second weekend of Sömmer Kamp . . .

• CHANGE IS GOOD . . . Sometimes we all make mistakes. In this case, GG made one without even realizing it. The Wasserballon-Angriff Bonus Allowance was always meant to be a Summer version of the Geschirrspuülerfüste Allowance (braking plates) and as such it would be an INDIVIDUAL bonus allowance. Somehow, when putting together the Sömmer Kamp information, GG inadvertently placed it in the Gruppen column. So now it's time to walk that mistake back. Starting today, the Wasserballon-Angriff Allowance scores punkte for your individual total. Those who have already launched attacks will have those points moved over to their individual totals with no detrimental effect to their Gruppen total. Also, some clarified parameters for scoring this bonus: the wasserballon must strike your victim above the knees, it must break on them and you must provide GG with video proof of your successful attack. Alright, that's it. Good luck and happy hunting!

• KNEE NOISE . . . Are you having issues with the air squats as assigned in your homework? Knees popping and cracking and grinding because, let's face it, you're no spring hähnchen anymore? If this is the case, GG is offering an alternative to the squat. It's called a "wall hold" and those who have Füsted in the past will be familiar. For the rest, a wall hold is where you lean up against a wall and then slide down until your thighs are parallel to the floor. You then hold this position against the wall with your arms held out in front of you (they cannot be used to help support your weight in any way). If you're having trouble with the air squats, go ahead and switch over to wall hold. For this weeks homework, instead of 20 air squats, you may do a 45 second wall hold. All future homework assignments will have the option.

• AND EVEN MORE BONUSPUNKTE . . . The website has been updated with even more bonus options and opportunities. Take a look and go get your bonuspunkte!

• MEIN GOTT I'M HUNGRY . . . Today's another HG day so hopefully you're already light headed and irritable like GG. Stay strong today. The more days of intermittent fasting you complete the heavier hit your flank meat will take. There's a strong scientific backing for making yourself this miserable and you'll thank GG when your skinny jeans slide on in September and make your back side look like two baby bears in a picnic blanket. Next week has only one HG day on Tuesday so there's that . . . 

• SUNDAY IS A DAY OF REST . . . alright, so as in past Füstes, GG is placing a moratorium on reporting off on Sundays. This means YOU WILL NOT REPORT OFF TO GG ON SUNDAYS. Hold your report for Saturday and Sunday's activities until Monday morning. This gives us both a break and keeps your GG emotionally healthy. Do you still report on Saturdays for Friday's activity? Yes, yes you do. Do you report on Sunday? No, no you don't. 

That's if for today's updates. Have a great weekend and get out there and earn that punkte! You guys are doing an amazing job so far. Keep it up and may the Füste be with you!

WEEK 2 ANNOUNCEMENTS

Alright, Füsters, you've had a week to get oriented to the Sömmer Kamp experience and if you're still here then GG assumes you're ready to get serious! 

New for Week 2: 

• Hungriger Geist starts this week! On both Tuesday (7/17) and Friday (7/20), you will be expected to fast from dawn (~5:59am local time) to dusk (~8:32pm). And by "fasting" GG means nothing but clear liquids shall pass through your mouth hole. What if you get up before the sun rises? Then you can do whatever you please . . . but at 5:59am you belong to GG. For each successful HG day completed you will earn a +1p individual bonus in addition to your daily Foodenfüste punkte. The more HG days you survive, the bigger the chances are of earning significant bonuses . . .
• Your Hausaufgaben ("Homework") Assignment for Week 2 is to complete three rounds of the following: 7 standard push-ups, 15 sit-ups (do not secure your feet), 20 air squats and a 45 second plank. You'll want to practice this assignment at least three times this week.
• And with your new homework assignment comes the first chance of Prüfungfüsten, or being "audited" by GG so make sure that you've been doing what you should be. Der Prüfungfüsten Allowance is detailed on the Bonuspunkte page (see next bullet point for link).
• Click here to check out all the new Bonus Allowances available for bonuspunkte! Each week a number of new bonuses will become available to help you earn as much punkte as your greedy little Totemfi heart desires!

That's all for now, Füsters. GG hopes you're enjoying yourself and that your flank meat is starting to slowly realize the predicament it's found itself in. Don't let off the pressure now! Good luck on the HG days (they're not easy and GG will be suffering right there with you). It's particularly challenging to earn your Schmerzenfüste point while fasting but it can be done. Please be safe and smart about it though and only push yourself as far as you know you can go. Make sure you're doing the functional "homework" assignments as well. They are going to help you firm up that sad excuse of a "core". And you definitely do not want to fail an audit. So there's that incentive too. Alright, that's enough self-suckling from GG. Let's get it on and may the Füste be with you!

FRIDAY THE 13th ANNOUNCEMENTS!

 

• MEIN GOTT! 

Did you come out of the starting gate like the thoroughbred you knew you could always be? If you scored all three of the daily punkte (food, drink, exercise) on each of the first three days of Sömmer Kamp than you just earned yourself a +1p individual bonus! GG loves to reward great work so keep it up and who knows what else is in store for you in the coming weeks!

• YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, RIGHT?

GG has heard that some Füsters are playing without knowing who they are . . . apparently because they did not get their Totemfüste assignment email last Sunday. If this is you, please check your registered email's junk or spam folders and you'll find it there. If not, please let GG know so that he can get you your information!

• HOW DOES THE "HOMEWORK", UH . . . WORK? 

GG's been getting a lot of questions on this topic so let's clarify the concept. The "homework" assignments are designed to slowly build-up your functional strength. They are completely independent of the daily Schmerzenfüste (exercise) requirements and earned points. You don't report on your homework or send proof to GG. You don't get points for it either. The elements of the homework assignment have nothing to do with anything else in the game (e.g. Week 1's homework assignment involves a 30 second plank X3; these planks cannot be used for your Plankenfüste Bonus Allowance). Do the assigned homework at least three times a week (yes, it's easy right now but it'll get a lot tougher) because GG is going to randomly audit you starting in Week 2. If your name is pulled from the Hut Sortieren, you will receive a text with directions to complete a quick functional assessment iteration (QFAI) and you will need to send GG video proof that you completed it successfully. If you pass the audit, you will be rewarded. If you fail, you will be punished. The Füste is just life disguised in an interweb skin suit. Isn't accountability fun?

• MRS. VOORHEES, I PRESUME? 

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th and you have an opportunity to earn more bonus punkte! Take the Hockeymaske Challenge by sending GG a picture of something that represents the superstitious nature of this day! For example, a black cat, an umbrella open indoors, a broken mirror etc. (looking for creativity here). Do it, snap it, send it to GG and earn +1p. 

• WOCHENENDE

We're coming up on the first full weekend of Sömmer Kamp and GG is very interested to see how it goes for everyone. I imagine you'll be tempted at every turn. Shotgun a half suitcase of your favorite grog, eat an entire chocolate cake with an oversized spoon while wearing nothing but a garbage bag, laze around poolside and toast up that pork belly you call your "abs". Or get out there and kick Sömmer Kamp in the teeth by being active and healthy and dedicated to a better version of yourself! You pushed hard all week, don't let up now!

• HOURS OF OPERATION

GG will be off the grid (literally) starting Friday afternoon and until Sunday evening. Go ahead and report off Friday morning for Day 4's activities (including any Hockeymaske Challenge pics) but then hold your reports for Friday, Saturday and Sunday until Monday morning (or Sunday evening if you're really hung-ho). This goes for all Dachshundfüste and Plankenfüste pictures and video proof as well. GG will not have cell coverage so he won't see anything you send until he gets back to civilization so . . .