Evening, Füsters!
Tomorrow is the first day of Sömmer Kamp ‘24 and as such it’s time to get your head in the game and prepare for all out warfare on your flank meat! This isn’t going to be easy but nothing in life ever is. For those who haven’t attended Sömmer Kamp before, it’s considerably shorter than Winterfüste but what it lacks in temporal length it more then makes up for with pure unadulterated intensity. This is going to be a knock down, drag out fight with your flank meat and when the dust settles in late August, you’ll (hopefully) be the only one left standing!
GG assumes you’ve taken the time to familiarize yourself with the Regelbuch (Rule Book) but if you haven’t, why not head over there right now and get reacquainted with how this game works (go HERE). If you’re new to Füsting, you should have already read through the Quick Start Guide and the Rulebook and be chomping at the proverbial bit (if you have any questions or need clarification on something, always feel free to text GG for help). Make sure to also review the Schmerzenfüste (exercise) parameters for Sömmer Kamp, as some have changed from last Winter (go HERE).
Okay, enough of the formalities, let’s talk about Day 1, the Startenfüste!
First, please sign the game liability waiver so that GG can comfortably torture you for the next 7 weeks (go HERE). The Füste is a small, one man shop and not really worth much but this is still America and GG needs to cover his rear end. Thank you for understanding.
Next, tomorrow morning at sun-up, game play begins. The first thing you’re going to want to do is roll that bloated carcass you call a body out of bed and face the unthinkable: strip down, hop on a scale and take a good hard look at reality. While you’re there, take a quick pic of the number on the scale and send it to GG via text (and look, if you’ve got gnarly coyote paws for feet, please, please, please just put some socks on before taking that pic; GG has seen things no one should ever see and you don’t need to add to his collective trauma). You’ll also report your weight again on the DRT on Saturday morning.
After that, the day is yours, except this day you won’t be eating sugar or processed krap, you won’t be drinking alcohol and you’re going to get out into the heat of Sömmer and complete a designated Singelt workout. However you do this is your choice, just make sure it meets the workout requirements and that you either track it on STRAVA or send GG some proof with heart rate data showing you did what you were supposed to do!
This first weekend has two very easy bonus opportunities for you: a simple 1.5 mile walk and a very easy 10 flights of stairs (go HERE for details on these and other bonus opportunities). Remember, you can only complete one bonus activity per day (unless GG tells you differently). Make sure you complete both of these bonuses this weekend (on separate days) so you don’t fall behind as Week 1 begins on Monday! And don’t worry, the bonus activities, they get a lot harder as we go forward in the game . . . A LOT harder so really just enjoy this simple, quiet time in your life cause in a couple weeks, you’re going to look back at these first two bonuses and just shake your head ruefully.
There’s no “homework” this weekend (that’s the fun bodyweight strength work you’ll be doing every day in addition to your Schmerzenfüste workouts); Sömmer Skūl starts Monday and GG will send out details on your homework in Sunday night’s game update.
GG is sure a couple of you are wondering about the tantalizing concept of “drink coupons”. Yes, GG is not a complete monster and this year he’s going to try letting the Füsters have a little bit of Sömmer fun. Here’s how it works: to earn your first drink coupon (worth +1 Drunkenpunkte that can be used at your discretion), you need to score a total of 7 workout points during Week 1 of game play. So starting on Monday, if you complete a Singelt workout each day of next week to a total of 7, you’ll earn a drink coupon that can then be used during Week 2. So there’s a little bit of carrot to go with all the stick that comes with Sömmer Kamp. Only restriction when you use the coupon is that you’re not allowed to have a sugar filled “mixed drink”; beer and wine are fine, hard alcohol on the rocks is okay too but you’re not guzzling down a Piña Colada on GG’s watch, no sir/ma’am. Make peace with this now, gentle Füster.
Couple of pro-tips before the game starts:
Maybe go get yourself a weighted vest (especially if you’re a serial Füster), as walking with weight is a thing and wearing a back pack full of rocks and hand weights kinda sucks.
Locate a quarter mile track in your immediate area. School’s out for Sömmer so any high school or junior high track should do nicely.
Find a good staircase, a friendly staircase with a nice cross breeze and a pleasant view at the top (try to avoid gross, urine scented parking garage staircases full of cigarette butts that would make the liability waiver necessary). You’re going to be spending a lot of time going up it so you might as well like where you’re at.
Go right now and clear all the krap out of your pantry and fridge that doesn’t meet the food parameters. Or if you’re living with non-Füsters (brave, brave soul), at least get them to put it all in one cupboard and out of your line of sight.
Okay, that’s pretty much enough for now. Tomorrow, sun-up, your flank meat on one side of the town square, you on the other. It’s time for a show down! Get the Startenfüste under your belt, make your first report using the Daily Reporting Tool on Saturday morning (remember, you’ll always report for the previous day’s activities) and GG will check back in on Sunday night. Just ease in here, there’s a lot to come that’s going to terrify your flank meat plenty. But that’s why you’re here and GG thanks you for that.
Welcome to Sömmer Kamp!
May the Füste be with you in the coming weeks,
Griswalde Grolar
