Willkommen to Week 4, Füsters! To date, we’ve had the fewest drop-outs of any Füste event in recent history! Sadly we retired Walrus, a Founding Füster of immense power who actually won Bestenfüste in 2016 (granted the category was a little different back then) but has failed to perform in any meaningful way since then. #SAD. We also retired the dynamic Hedgehog, a returning Füster who will be missed for her creativity and fun attitude. They will be missed.

Alright, some updates . . . .

We are now into the three week period of game play known as “The Deepest Cut”. This week will be particularly challenging as it sees Doppelt Schmnerzenfüste begin in earnest, coupled with the wicked but strangely satisfying 72 hour Hungriger Geist Survival Challenge. Yes, you can now double your daily workout parameter or complete two separate workouts to earn +2.0p each day (you may still do the single workouts for the normal +1p). Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday are HG Days #4, 5, and 6 respectfully and stacked they create a level of caloric restriction that you will rarely experience in this industrialized first world simulation we call life in America. Currently there are only ten brave souls with the iron enough to wage this level of open warfare on their flank meat and to those ten players GG can only say: RESPECT.
Believe it or not, this Thursday, Jan. 31st, marks the half-way point of Winterfüste 2019 (GG can’t quite believe it either). This is a good day to take stalk of where you’re at in the game. First, go strip down and step on a scale in full view of a mirror. Do you like what you see?? If not, you’ll have a little over four weeks to do something about . . . uh, that. Do not let the flank meat bully you into softness or complacency! Do everything you can on the back half of the game to defeat that meat! As for as points, you should be rapidly closing in on 100 punkte. If that’s not you, go to the bonus page and get to work! There are so many points being left on the Spielbrett each week that it makes GG #melancholy. For instance, what excuse do you have for not completing three planks a week to not only earn for your Gruppen but also get that sweet, sweet +1p bonus for yourself (what? You didn’t know about that bonus? Huh, perhaps keeping up on the game would do you some good, eh?).
With the halfway point of the game comes Mediziner Schneebartchen’s singular gift to you this Winterfüste, your cheat day. Traditionally, this day falls on or about the half way point and almost always NOT on Super Bowl Sunday. Will this cruel and pointless act of sadism continue this year? We’ll all find out together later this week (but here’s a hint: GG was born and raised in Los Angeles as a Rams fan . . . you do the math).
This Saturday is a special day and will offer every Füster the opportunity to earn some much needed bonuspunkte. Here’s how the Groundhog Day Challenge works:
- In 24 hours, you may do a single workout parameter as many times as you are physically able, without causing yourself permanent injury, disability and/or death. But there’s a catch: you must repeat the single workout parameter exactly the same way each time you do it. For instance, let’s say you fancy yourself a runner. You decide to complete the 5K single workout parameter for the Groundhog Challenge. Each time you do it, you must follow the exact same path. So basically each time you do it, it would be considered a “lap” on a set course and you would earn +1p. Every time you repeat this lap, you will earn another +1p. And so on and so forth, again and again and again. Time is a flat circle (but GG digresses). You may take as long of a break as you like between laps but each time you run your 5K it must be EXACTLY THE SAME experience. This exercise in perceived madness is available to you on Saturday, midnight to midnight (for those who work on Saturday, you may do it Sunday or even Monday). Only distance based parameters that can be tracked on STRAVA are eligible for this challenge (this means no gym workouts, HIITS, cross-fit or the like, bro; swimming, elliptical, dreadmill and drainer are also all outlawed). You may walk, hike, run, ride, x-country ski or snow shoe to complete this challenge. Activity practiced during this challenge will count towards your daily Schmerzenfüste as well . . .
And speaking of excessive Schmerzenfüsten, it’s now time to start contemplation of your Drachenfüste proposal. Please remember that the Drachen is meant to truly challenge you like nothing else has during Winterfüste. The very basic requirement is to complete a single continuous workout that equals at least four singles . . . so yes, this means a 12K run, 16 mile walk, four hours on a bike, two hours and 20 min in the pool. etc. You may do any combo of parameters you want as long as what you propose is a true and epic challenge. GG (or JJ for the SEPs) will not green light your challenge if your Drachen is not truly worth slaying. Remember, completion of this challenge is worth +10p so think in those terms when coming up with what you want to do. Drachens may be slain between the dates of Feb. 23rd and Mar. 1st.
New bonuses will be available shortly on the bonus page so check back in the morning . . .

As noted on Twitter a couple times last week, GG is entering a particularly painful period of business travel that will limit his time to both respond immediately to your texted reports and to update the Bestenliste nightly. He will do his best to do both, but do not be surprised if you don’t hear back or if the Bestenliste doesn’t get updated for a day. No one promised you immediacy here . . . in fact, if you go back to your willkommen email, you’ll find the GG specifically said the Bestenliste would be updated nightly, “except when it’s not”. So patience please. There’s 63 of you and only one GG. He will get to all of you in time (and yes, GG knows that having to go to Hawaii for work cannot be considered a “hard ship” but it’s all, all of it, relative, Bub).

That’s if for now. Enjoy the pain storm that is Week 4 of Winterfüste 2019. Looking forward to see what you all can do on this canvas of discomfort and self-sacrifice!

#GORAMS

Did you read this whole thing? Text GG who you think he is in the game (hint: he’s not in the top 10 nor is he in the basement either). One guess. Get it right, earn a +1p bonus.