Guten tag, Füsters and willkommen to Winterfüste 2019, the 220th anniversary edition of Mediziner Schneebärtchen’s radical social experiment to wage war on the inevitable complacency of the human condition. Today begins the annual Winter battle against the flank meat that spent the holiday season invading and conquering your personal landscape. Go stand naked before a mirror (GG will wait) and behold the horror of what you have become over the last 90 days. Now let that image burn into your brain because as of this morning, it all stops! As Mediziner Schneebärtchen first declared in 1799, NICHT MEHR!.
But enough sermonizing from GG, let’s get down to brass tacks as it were . . .
Have you reviewed the Regelbuch (Rule Book) yet? If not, first ask yourself why you are like this, and second click here to do so immediately.
Let’s start with some opening day BONUSPUNKTE !
Bauchfüste Fettleibigkeit Reporting Bonus: In the past, you’ve mailed in your starting weight for this bonus competition (don’t know what GG is talking about? Click here to review all currently available game bonuses). This year, we’re doing things different. This morning, step on a scale and take a pic of the weight (if you have gnarly paws please wear socks as GG has low tolerance for poor foot health) and text the pic to GG (or JJ is you’re playing in the Southern Expansion Pack (SEP) game). Your starting weight will be recorded and the pic will be deleted. You will then receive a +1p reporting bonus to start your Füste!
Kinder zu Hause Bonus: New this year, a bonus for those who have sought to play forward their genetic code to guarantee that flank meat has something to do in 2050! Do you have children at home who are 16 or younger? Are these children a constant source of stress and debilitation during a Füste event? Feel like you should get credit for dealing with this while you’re trying to eat right and not drink yourself into peaceful oblivion every night? GG agrees! So today, send a text to GG (or JJ for the SEP players) and declare the number of dependent children you currently have living under your roof and you’ll receive a +3p bonus for each wenig lästig! It does not matter if you “share” them with another adult . . . you’ll get the punkte either way.
Report on these two opening day bonus opportunities immediately, as in now, this morning, Jan. 2nd, don’t wait, just do it, send the texts NOW to get your bonuspunkte!
Now some game pointers for successful play . . .
Please hold your daily reporting summary until the following day. This means that whatever you do (or don’t do) today will be reported tomorrow. Food, drink and exercise points (and proof) should all be reported together tomorrow before noon via a simple and concise text to GG (or JJ for the SEPs). Bonus activity (and proof) can be reported at any time but it would help GG out if you create a consolidated report each day to cover yesterday’s activity. However, GG knows you get excited and want to send bonus activity in the moment and that’s fine . . .
And while we’re on the topic of reporting . . . Sunday’s are a day of rest, meaning that YOU WILL NOT REPORT to GG (or JJ) on Sunday. You will wait until Monday morning and then report off on both Saturday and Sunday’s activity. So once again, do not report off on Sunday for Saturday’s daily activity. Wait until Monday. Report on both Saturday and Sunday on Monday morning. Hopefully this makes sense.
Moving forward, most game communication will follow this format: you’ll receive a text that directs you here to the website blog. Email communication will be kept to a minimum as it seems fairly unreliable. However, do realize that your Totemfüste assignment went out over the weekend to your email, as well as a separate information email yesterday that included the “how to pay” link and information. If you have not paid your game fee yet, please do so as soon as possible. You have till this Friday at 17:00 hours and then you will be summarily dropped from competition and your T-Füste will be retired to a dark and quiet cave for the Winter.
Remember that lack of Schmerze (exercise) for 72 hours straight will cost your Gruppen a -10p hit. That’s pretty significant and will definitely lead to your piked head being called for . . . So just get out there at least once every three days and fulfill a Schmerzenfüste parameter so your Gruppen mates don’t come for you with torches and pitch forks . . .
And on that note, lack of reporting for 72 hours will lead to an immediate DNF (did not finish) and expulsion from the game (without a refund!). You came here to play, committed to yourself to defeat your meat, so don’t mess it up by being a lazy drechsack and not report. Set a daily alarm NOW! It’s so easy to report off, just 30 seconds of your time and a text to GG (or JJ) and you’re done for the day.
A couple of final points:
There is no Hausaufgaben Assignment (home work) for this week. Home work will start next week during the first full week of game play. Check back here on Sunday for the details of what will lie in wait for you next week.
The first Fastentag Day is next Monday. That’s the first fasting day of WF19. Remember, on Fastentag Days, fasting starts at sun-up and goes to sun down. More on this on Sunday’s weekly update.
Alright, that’s it for now. Congratulations on your dedication to self-improvement and GG wishes you a highly successful Füste-based campaign against your flank meat! Welcome to the new year and hopefully a radically smaller you in 8 weeks time.
GG out.
Oh, did you read that whole diatribe? Good. Text GG (or JJ for the SEPs) “Ich lese es” NOW to receive a +1p secret bonus!