Week 1: Flank Meat Rubs Eyes and Looks at You Funny

So you made it through the four day introductory period of Week 0, WF2020. Now the real fun begins. Your flank meat is sleepy and snuggly, all curled up around your midsection, butt and thighs after another fabulous holiday season of excess. It’s a little concerned with the last couple of days but fully expects you to break out the Prosecco and a pizza and get dirty with your mouth hole. But your flank meat is in for a very big surprise! because here comes Week 1!

• Everyone did amazing work during the Week 0 introductory phase. GG is quite impressed by what he’s seen so far. Having said that, today is your first rest-day (unless you told or will tell GG that you’re choosing a different day this week). So that means no Schmerzenfüste punkte. But food and drink parameters still apply.

• Your homework starts now. Ss promised, Hausaufgaben begins this week. You will be responsible for completing a set of three Qualkammers each day (except for on your off-day). You may either stack these Qualkammers into a single event or spread them out throughout your day. What’s a Qualkammer? Click here. Probably the easiest way to negotiate this homework assignment is to simply attach it to your daily Schmerzenfüste. Most importantly, how will you prove to GG you’re not a lazy drecksack and you really came here to Füste? Each weekend you will be required to send GG a video audit of one Qualkammer as proof that you mean business. Complete the audit, earn +1p. Easy.

• This week also begins Fastentag play. You’ll remember from studying the Regelbuch (you did read the Rule Book, yes?), that you have the option to fast starting this week. Fastentag is a dawn to dusk fast on every Wednesday and Friday over the next several weeks. Nothing to it. Clear liquids only on the Fastentag days until the sun sets. Complete the daily fast, earn +0.5p. Complete all eight Fastentag days and earn a +5p personal bonus. Now go get hangry!

• So far, you have all done an amazing job reporting off to GG in an organized and timely manner. Couple of points to brush up on. Please hold your daily report until the next day. That means do not report off on a day’s activities that same evening/night. Wait till the next morning. It’s very difficult to track 94 Füsters and if people report the night before then it really throws GG off. Also, remember, no reporting on Sunday. You hold your report for both Saturday and Sunday until Monday morning. You may however report bonus activity on Sunday if you like. GG may or may not respond before Monday.

• New Individual and Gruppen Bonus Allowances have been posted to the website. Click here to check them out. And yes, if a bonus allowance is exercise based, it will count both for your bonus achievement and your daily Schmerzenfüste requirement.

• The Twitter feed remains the primary way to track what’s going on in the game. Besides following GG at @thefuste on Twitter, there’s a standing Twitter feed button at the bottom of each page of the website and there is now a direct feed to the Twitter account on the home page at www.thefuste.com. Check it out now.

• GG is still working on a merchant issue with the website. The pay portal should be open soon. For those of you who have not yet paid, you can pay now using Venmo. Search for @ggrolar. Or you can wait for the portal to become available later this week.

• Percentile Platypus begins his hunt in earnest this week. Any Füster playing below the 70th percentile will find our beaked friend clamped tightly to their hind quarters. If you fall below Percentile Platypus on the Bestenliste, you have 48 hours to get out in front of him. If you can’t or won’t, you’re disqualified from the game. You’ve been warned . . . again.

That’s it for now. Here’s hoping that the Füste finds you healthy and happy this week and that your sugar detox isn’t too violent over the next several days. But if it gets bad, just remember, even astronauts wear diapers sometimes.

May the Füste be with you

Griswalde Grolar

WILLKOMMEN TO THE WF2020 . . . the Füturefüste!

Guten tag, Füsters!

Well, the future is officially here. 2020. The year of flying cars, cyborg attacks, robot pets and the complete and utter destruction of our global home. How will a simple Füster survive these events? By focusing on your flank meat. That’s right. Not to be too self-centered and narrow minded about it, but how do you expect to fight off that cyborg warrior, beat back that malfunctioning robot pet, outrun that flying car full of melting arctic ice, if you’re weighed down by an excess of good ol’ American made flank meat? This year’s Winterfüste theme is “Survival at all Costs” and GG’s here to help.

So today is the Startenfüste, Day 1 of Week 0 (Week 1 officially starts next Monday). These first couple of days are all about easing into the Füste, taking stock, cleaning your house, both physically and emotionally. Here’s how to get started the right way:

• First things first: go weigh yourself and marvel at the damage you did over the holidays. Text GG a pic of yourself on the scale (feet only please and those, if they be nasty, fully socked) with your weight clearly visible. Earn your first +1p Individual Bonus Allowance (IBA). This starting weight will be important later in the game when the fat starts to melt off of you like a polar ice cap on a hot Winter’s day.

• Okay, now that you’ve had that reality check, best go clean out the pantry and lock down the alcohol cabinet. GG’s not judging, but you had your chance to whoop it up over the last couple of months and now it’s time to be sensible. Plus, you’ll need that booze to clean the wounds you suffer during the coming robot revolution! So, anything that contains sugar or is highly processed, best lock it away for when the power goes out and the cyborg overlords besiege your compound.

• Put on your workout clothes and get out there today! If you’re new to the Füste, you may not realize yet that you’re in fact a hyper-competitve schlange and in a couple of weeks you’re going to look back at any day you gave up a cherished punkte and want to throw yourself to the robot wolf pack patrolling the back alley. So trust me and your future self, hit the Füste hard starting TODAY and don’t wait. If you think you’re going to challenge for Bestenfüste, you need to understand that this is all out warfare from Day 1, which is today. GG can guarantee you that any Totemfüste designated as “Sieger” is already out running while you’re sitting here trying to focus through blood shot eyes and that self-induced food hangover caused by last night’s “final meal” of whatever wasn’t locked down in the kitchen (and really, right in front of the chlidren?). Oh, and to clarify, the Sieger designation means you’re looking at someone who’s won the Füste in the past so judge well if you see them coming for you. They are all a little bit nuts so you decide if you want to stand your ground or not.

• There are already a couple of bonuses up on the website (go here) so you can start earning your bonuspunkte this weekend, if you just can’t wait like a civilized person (and to whomever already broke a plate on the doorstep of The Füste HQ, GG both applauds you and is deeply afraid of you). GG has one special out the shoot bonus to announce (and new this year), the Polarbad Allowance. You have three days this weekend to find an open body of water (or an unheated pool) and jump in. If we were in the mid-west, you’d be expected to find a frozen lake, cut a hole in it and take a dip but here in the West where global warming is at it’s finest, you’ll probably be hard pressed to find a luke warm pond. But do your best. The Polarbad Allowance is only available to you this Friday, January 3 through Sunday, January 5. Jump in the coldest water possible (outdoors), film it, send it to GG, earn a +3p IBA right out of the gate. This is a good way to start being uncomfortable, which you’ll do a lot of during the Füste (and when you’re hiding in a muddy, frozen ditch as the robot army lights your house on fire, you’ll look back at this moment and smile with a sense of irony).

• One thing to remember, especially you Neo-Füstes (new players), if you do it right you’re going to go through a fairly impressive detox period over the next 10 days. Unbeknownst to you, you are an addict. You have been hooked on sugar (and other fun chemicals) since the day you were born into this profit driven society. You are about to deny your body something that it thinks is paramount to it’s continued existence. But guess what? It’s not. And when the shaking stops and the light headedness fades and your pancreatic inflammation recedes, you’ll start to realize just how bad sugar is and how much of a choke hold it’s had on your life. Prepare yourself, because getting clean isn’t easy (GG sincerely hopes you wont poop yourself but no promises . . . we’ve all seen Trainspotting, right?). Also, and GG hates to keep bringing it back to this, but the big corporations will be the first to fall during the coming cyborg wars and your precious sugar, no more. So this is really good training for the coming robo-apocalypse.

Alright, that’s enough for now. Remember that your first report off for today’s activities is due no later than noon tomorrow, Jan. 3rd. If your report comes in at 12:01pm, no punkte. In fact, GG issues this challenge. If your Gruppen gets all 23 Füsters to report off by noon on the first reporting day, you’ll earn the first Gruppen Bonus Allowance (GBA) of the game at +5p. So don’t be a lazy drecksack and make sure you support your Gruppen. Cause you never know, they may be the only friends you’ve got when there’s a foot of melted ice cap water in your kitchen and your under attack from an army of crab-drones that want to part you out for your “energy core” (even though you keep telling them you’re not powered by batteries, do they listen?)

Good luck on Day 1, Füsters! GG is glad your’re here.

And may the Füste be with you these next nine weeks.

Griswalde Grolar

12 Record Setting Weeks!

Afternoon Füsters!

Been a couple of weeks since GG hit you up via this forum and he apologizes for the comparable silence as of late . . . been a bit crazy over here but he appreciates your patience and continued participation! We are in completely uncharted territory now, moving into Week 12 or better known as three months straight of Sömmerfüsting! This is unquestionably the longest Füste in modern, recorded history and Herr Doktor Mediziner Schneebärtchen would undoubtedly be beyond proud of your dedication to the destruction of your flank meat (if you have any left after 79 days of earning punkte!). So kudos to you all for pushing yourself past your comfort levels and really going for it this Sömmer!

Couple items . . .

1. Please let GG know if you will be able to attend a Finale SK19 Celebratory Event in Petaluma on the evening of Saturday, Aug. 31st. Spouses invited. If we get a decent head count, we’ll have a nice little get together for you dedicated Füsters . . . text GG with yah or nah as soon as possible.

2. Week 12 leads to an unprecedented Week 13 and you will have the option to slay a Drachen, if you so desire. Starting this Saturday, Drachens may be slain up until 15:00 hours on the 31st. As a reminder, a Drachen is an event that is at least 4X that of a single Schmerzenfüste parameter (e.g. 20K run etc.) or as approved by GG, if you want to propose a customized concept . . . And as always, Drachens are worth +10p.

3. Finish strong but simple with the daily X3 work for Week 12:

   • 20 push-ups

   • 50 sit-ups

   • 90 second wall sit

   • 90 second forearm plank

4. Only 2 audits left for Sömmer Kamp 2019. Next to last is due this Friday (details via text) and last will be due on Friday, Aug. 30th. Each completed audit is worth +3p so easy way to earn some punkte!

5. Don’t forget (cause it seems like most of you have) all past bonuses (with the exception of long dogs and broken plates) are still in play! So get out there and hike or jump in a lake or pick up some trash or sleep in a tent and earn some good bonuses as we close the game out!

That’s it for now . . . only one more update next weekend and that the’s game. Hope everyone has seen some good results to date with this extra long Füste and no one is going backwards (looking at you, Grolarbär!).

May the Füste be with you,

GG

Week 9 . . . already???

Hallo Füsters!

Somehow we are already upon our 9th and final week of the regularly scheduled Sömmer Kamp Füsting event. It doesn’t seem quite possible that June and July both evaporated so quickly from our collective timeline. For those who will be leaving us on Saturday, GG can only say thank you for joining and playing along. Ultimately this was a selfish endeavor on GG’s part, having failed miserably at Winterfüste this year due to travel and work, he desperately needed to right the ship and expunge some serious flank meat. And he’s happy to report that he has done just that and it’s all because you guys joined up to chaperone him through the last nine weeks! Thank you all for that generosity! Now, as I mentioned two weeks ago, GG will be continuing on with this event for one more month and finishing on August 31st. For those of you interested in this expansion pack, please declare your intent this week and then continue to report off as usual and the game will continue for four more weeks. This extra long Füste definitely will push the boundaries and will absolutely qualify as experimental. But GG is very interested to see what a prolonged Füste does to everyone (or at least those who are up for the challenge), both physically and mentally.

Couple items:

• So the Special Kredit thing ended up being a bust. Many of you have accumulated a lot of SK without any notion of spending it on food or drink. And to that GG says, BRAVO! As of Saturday, whether you continue on or not, your Kredits will be transferred to punkte at a 3 to 1 exchange rate . . .

• Finish strong (if you’re finishing), X3 daily:

  • 25 push-ups (on your knees push-ups are acceptable but your goal should be as many full blown push-ups as you can manage)

  • 50 sit-ups

  • 40 total forward lunges (20 on each leg)

  • 90 second wall-sit

  • One wall hand stand held for 60 sec (optional, only attempt this if you know you can hold a hand stand without injuring yourself . . . go here to understand how to get in the correct position: https://youtu.be/6YG9EE8J0VQ . . . ignore the first part of the video where she talks about make your body a perfect L shape and go to the second part where she show’s you how to kick up into a handstand).

  • 90 second plank (on forearms)

• No fasting this week but expect it to pick back up as we move into August . . .

• Don’t forget your bonuses . . . still a ton of bonuspunkte out there if you can remember what we’ve done during past Füstes. Good luck!

• As there is no Gruppen play, there is no Finale Kompetition. But once we make it through August, GG will host a special dinner event to say thank you to everyone who played the short or long version of Sömmer Kamp this year. At this event we will recognize and reward both the Short and Long Version Überfüste and Bestenfüste. GG hopes to see you there, especially if you’re calling it a game this Saturday.

Alright everyone, that’s it for now. GG will communicate out one final audit request this week and then we’ll chat Friday on the eve of the short version Finalefüste. Finish strong and excellent work this Summer!

GG

Week 8 is gr8!

Morning Füsters . . .

Only two weeks left in the Sömmer Kamp Experimental Füste (time flies when you’re battling flank meat) and hopefully everyone is seeing some dividends from this experience. Reminder, the SK Expansion Pack will see this event continue for another four weeks ending on Aug. 31st, if you’re so inclined . . .

Couple items:

• Many Füsters have stacked up the Special Credits and with only 2 weeks left in the regular game, time is running out to use them. So GG is extending a one time offer . . . tomorrow you may cash out your credits for punkte. $ x 3 = +1p. Or just use them to have a drink or a piece of pie or whatever.

• How’s the daily strength training going? Up to 25 push-ups yet? Last week we had an abysmal turnout for the audit so it’s hard to say what you’re all been up to . . . This week’s audit is due by tomorrow, July 22nd at sun down. Check your texts for details.

• And speaking of strength training, here you go, X3 daily:

  • 25 push-ups (on your knees push-ups are acceptable but your goal should be as many full blown push-ups as you can manage)

  • 45 sit-ups

  • 30 total forward lunges (15 on each leg)

  • 75 second wall-sit

  • One wall hand stand held for 30 sec (optional, only attempt this if you know you can hold a hand stand without injuring yourself . . . go here to understand how to get in the correct position: https://youtu.be/6YG9EE8J0VQ . . . ignore the first part of the video where she talks about make your body a perfect L shape and go to the second part where she show’s you how to kick up into a handstand).

  • 75 second plank (on forearms)

• Don’t forget your bonuses . . . still a ton of bonuspunkte out there if you can remember what we’ve done during past Füstes. Good luck!

That’s it. Have a great week (no fasting this week as GG understands that some player’s GI tracts need a rest after the great juice massacre of Summer ‘19). And may the Füste be with you, always.

GG

Week 7 of ???

Morning Füsters . . .

We’re starting Week 7 of Sömmer Kamp and right off the front I want to let you know that in the spirit of experimentation GG is extending this Füste experience through the end of August. Yes, this is the longest Füsting period ever attempted. No, you do not have to participate and SK19 will officially end on August 3rd. But if you want to keep going with GG, you can tack on the August Expansion Pack and continue the Sömmer Kamp Füste through August 31st (GG’s birthday seems like a fitting day to call it quits fo the year). Again, there is no expectation that you will continue forward but GG would love to have the company and will continue to support you if you do. There may also be a Winterfüste 2020 bonus associated with anyone who makes it the entire length of the expanded Sömmer Kamp. Up to you, just let GG know your intent before Aug. 3rd!

Now on with the current game:

1. As you should already be aware, there is an audit due today (July 14th) by sundown. Get on it to earn your Special Credts and a +1p bonuspunkte.

2. This week we’re going to shake up the fasting concept and regimen. If you’re up for it, complete a 72 hour “juice cleanse” in lieu of a traditional fast (google “juice cleanse” and you’ll find plenty of info; there are a number of places in SoCo that will provide the needed juices etc.). Give this a shot on Tue-Thu. Each day complete is worth +1 bonuspunkte. Complete all three in a row and earn a total +5p for your efforts. GG is very interested in how this will go and whether it will be something to add to future Füstes (again, SK is meant to be experimental so help GG help your future Füsting selves).

3. This week’s strength training, completed three times each day (yes, this stuff is getting necessarily harder; no whining!):

   • 25 push-ups (on your knees push-ups are acceptable but your goal should be as many full blown push-ups as you can manage)

   • 40 sit-ups

   • 30 total forward lunges (15 on each leg)

   • 75 second wall-sit

   • One wall hand stand held for 30 sec (optional, only attempt this if you know you can hold a hand stand without injuring yourself . . . go here to understand how to get in the correct position: https://youtu.be/6YG9EE8J0VQ . . . ignore the first part of the video where she talks about make your body a perfect L shape and go to the second part where she show’s you how to kick up into a handstand).

   • 75 second plank (on forearms)

4. Don’t forget, all individual bonus allowances from all past Füsting events are eligible for bonuspunkte. All you have to do is think back and remember what tortures you visited upon yourself to earn that bonuspunkte and get on it!

Short and sweet. Good luck this week and may the Füste be with you!

GG

Here comes Week 6 . . .

Evening Fûsters . . . GG apologizes for the late weekly update but sometimes it happens . . .

Week 5 is complete and here’s hoping you thoroughly enjoyed your Cheat Day on the 4th! We’re now in the back half of this Sömmer Kamp with only four weeks to go to the finish line.

Couple things:

• This week’s strength training, completed three times each day:

  • 20 push-ups (on your knees push-ups are acceptable but your goal should be as many full blown push-ups as you can manage)

  • 35 sit-ups

  • 60 second plank

  • 60 second wall sit

  • One wall hand stand held for 20 sec (optional, only attempt this if you know you can hold a hand stand without injuring yourself . . . go here to understand how to get in the correct position: https://youtu.be/6YG9EE8J0VQ . . . ignore the first part of the video where she talks about make your body a perfect L shape and go to the second part where she show’s you how to kick up into a handstand).

• You can fast up to two days this week. Each completed 24 hour fast will be worth +1p. If you complete both days, you will get a +1 bonus. If you complete them back to back, you will earn yet another +1p bonus for a total of +4p.

Short and sweet this week. You guys are doing great so far so keep it up!

GG

4 weeks down and here comes that Betrugentag!

Morning Fûsters . . .

Week 4 is complete and we are mere days away from your cheat day (not that some of you haven’t been cheating on your own lately)! Don’t forget, guilt free excesses that you deliver upon yourself this 4th of July will most likely lead to a wicked sugar and alcohol hangover on the 5th so tread lightly . . . As an extra incentive to Füste responsibly this 4th, all Schmerzenfüste parameters are worth double punkte on the 5th of July!

Couple things:

• This week’s strength training, completed three times each day:

  • 15 push-ups (on your knees push-ups are acceptable but your goal should be as many full blown push-ups as you can manage)

  • 25 air squats

  • 30 sit-ups

  • 60 second plank

  • One wall hand stand held for 10 sec (optional, only attempt this if you know you can hold a hand stand without injuring yourself . . . go here to understand how to get in the correct position: https://youtu.be/6YG9EE8J0VQ . . . ignore the first part of the video where she talks about make your body a perfect L shape and go to the second part where she show’s you how to kick up into a handstand).

• No fasting allowed during Week 5 . . . sorry, weirdos.

• Some of the bonuses played so far:

  • STRAVA 100K cycling bonus

  • STRAVA 10K running bonus

  • Jump in a large, cold natural body of water bonus

  • After midnight but before 3am workout bonus

  • Spend a night camping out under the stars bonus

  • Completing a Schmerzenfüste parameter with a non-Füsting friend

  • Taking a friend’s dog for a walk

• And the Überfüsters have been released! Currently this pack of elite Füsters is lead by the Hare, who just can’t stop herself. Wolverine is not too far behind but the Owl is closing in on him fast and it looks like we’re in for a real feather and fur throw down during the second half of Sömmer Kamp!

That’s it for this week. Have a great holiday and remember, never close your hand around a cherry bomb!

GG

Week 4 Update . . . .

Morning Fûsters . . .

Week 3 continued the outstanding game play by this select group of Sömmer Füsters. GG is very impressed by the dedication and output so far . . . keep it up! We’re only a week and a half from the 4th of July cheat day so you’re almost half way through Sömmer Kamp! GG can’t believe it either . . .

Couple things:

• This week’s strength training, completed three times each day:

  • 15 push-ups (on your knees push-ups are acceptable but your goal should be as many full blown push-ups as you can manage)

  • 25 sit-ups

  • 45 second wall sit

  • 60 second plank

  • One wall hand stand held for 10 sec (optional, only attempt this if you know you can hold a hand stand without injuring yourself . . . go here to understand how to get in the correct position: https://youtu.be/6YG9EE8J0VQ . . . ignore the first part of the video where she talks about make your body a perfect L shape and go to the second part where she show’s you how to kick up into a handstand).

• Week 4 fasting will be a little different. You can fast up to two days this week. Each completed 24 hour fast will be worth +1p. If you complete both days, you will get a +1 bonus. If you complete them back to back, you will earn yet another +1p bonus for a total of +4p. Let’s see what you’ve got!

• Some of the bonuses played this last week:

  • STRAVA 100K cycling bonus

  • Jump in a large, cold natural body of water bonus

  • After midnight but before 3am workout bonus

  • Spend a night camping out under the stars bonus

  • Completing a Schmerzenfüste parameter with a non-Füsting friend.

• No Überfüsten yet thanks to that pesky Owl hanging in there in 3rd place. She is just not going to let the two leaders pull far away enough to induce the Über state of game play. Now it’s time for her to set her sights on the Wolverine and go get that furry little beast!

Short and sweet. That’s it for this week. Have a great week and as always, may the Füste be with you!

GG

Week 3 coming your way . . .

Evening Fûsters . . .

Impressive game play this first two weeks of Sömmer Kamp. So far GG is very surprised by the amount of Doppelt and Trippelt punkte that’s being put up on the board by all players. The question is: can you sustain this level of output for eight weeks? I guess we’ll all find out together.

Couple things:

• Almost everyone passed their first strength training accountability test without an issue. To be clear, passing these tests earns you Speziell Kredits, not punkte. That’s why you’ll see a dollar sign behind your name on the Bestenliste (don’t forget, you can also earn SKs by really wowing GG with an impressive work out activity or experience). So what are they good for, these SKs?

  • +3 SK gets you a simple pleasure like a cookie or a brownie or a beer or glass of wine, something you would otherwise not be allowed to consume during the Füste (more to come on this concept).

• This week’s strength training, completed three times each day:

  • 15 push-ups (on your knees push-ups are acceptable but your goal should be as many full blown push-ups as you can manage)

  • 20 sit-ups

  • 45 second wall sit

  • 45 second plank

• Week 3 fasting will once again be a single 24 hour fast, midnight to midnight. You choose the day of the week. +3p if you leave your mouth hole alone for the full 24 hour period.

• Some of the bonuses played this last week:

  • STRAVA 100K cycling bonus

  • Jump in a large, cold natural body of water bonus

  • After midnight but before 3am workout bonus

  • Spend a night camping out under the stars bonus

• Are you Überfüsten? If you’re the Wolverine or the Hare, yeah, you probably are. So what does this mean? Once two or three players have cleared the pack by at least 15 punkte consistently for three days, those players move off the traditional Bestenliste and onto the Überlisten. Once there, new more difficult work-out parameters are unleashed and the Überfüsters must do even more to gain the cherished punkte that they clearly obsess about or wouldn’t have gotten themselves in this position in the first place. GG will be keeping a close eye on the punkte totals to determine when and if the Überliste will go live!

That’s it for Week 3 update. Have a great week and as always, leave your mouth hole alone!

GG