Week 6: Over the Hump and Picking Up Speed . . .

Hallo Füsters!

Here’s your first game update from the back side of Winterfüste! We officially crossed the mid point of the game on Saturday and you now have only 5 weeks left to show that flank meat who wears the pants in this relationship (oh, and those pants aren’t going to have any room for extra meat so byeeeee . . . ).

Okay, here goes:

• Last week saw the completion of both the Dry January Bonus and the summary Fastentag Bonus. That was +11 bonuspunkte in all if you earned them both as well as securing your Blue and Yellow Olympic Rings (which, gentle reminder, you don’t have to report on or do anything at all as GG’s tracking the rings for you). So busy week that ended with the Cheat Day AND the introduction of the Olympic Bonuses (check the bonus page if you don’t believe GG). GG, for one, is glad the weeks over.

• And to that, GG finished last week on the road and starts this week traveling again on Monday. As a result, do not expect another game update until Tuesday evening. The only points that could be scored on the Cheat Day were bonus points so very little to report there so we’ll only be one day behind. You can deal with it by having great and furious patience as GG scrambles to find the time needed to get caught up. He appreciates your understanding.

• Week 6 bonuses have been released as well as this week’s homework. Expect next weekend’s KoG Assessment to be reflective of the increased homework load and definitely more difficult than you’ve been experiencing. If you want those 3 points, you best be doing your homework!

• GG has noticed a mistake on the Bonus tracking sheet he sent out via email. On the sheet, Olympics Week 1 is listed under Week 7. It’s actually (and obviously) this week, Week 6. Not a big deal but GG felt he should point this out before getting a couple dozen texts about it . . .

• You’ve got two more weeks of Doppelt workouts so keep it up and don’t slack off now. This is where the game really starts to separate out the bestenfüste from the restenfüste. Stay focused and find the time to complete your workouts and bonuses and your flank meat will pay dearly for your dedication!

• How’d the Cheat Day go for you? Feel like krapfenfüste today? GG doesn’t want to say he told you so but hey, he told you so . . .

That’s it for now. Talk again on Tuesday. Have a great Week 6 and GG hopes you continue to enjoy your time at the Füste!

GG

Week 5: Time Waits for No Füster

Hallo Füsters!

GG is releasing this week’s update early as there’s a lot going on in Week 5 and he wants you to be fully prepared . . .

• First and foremost, Doppelt Workout Parameters begin on Sunday, January 30th (that’s tomorrow for those of you reading this update on the release date). In order to earn a Doppelt (+2p), you must either complete two separate Singelt workouts (e.g. run a 5K and then swim 1500 meters) in one day OR complete a single workout to the defined Doppelt requirements. For the most part, if you do this, the requirement does not completely double the Singelt so please make sure to reference the exact specifications for a Doppelt (and these requirements have changed since the last Füste so please make sure to double check what you need to do!). GG has created a separate page for the workout parameters so you don’t have to search for them in the Regelbuch. You can find this page on the website by looking for the SCHMERZENFÜSTE header or simply go HERE.

• Next thing on your mind is probably, hey, we’re like almost half way through the game, right? Where’s the Cheat Day? For you players new to the Füste, the Cheat Day (or SCHUMMELTAG) is a day of celebration and a temporary return to the gluttonous ways of that unfortunate creature, the non-Füster. For one day in the very middle of the game, you are released from the food, drink and exercise requirements of the daily Füste. This means that you may once again eat of the sugar, drink of the alcohol and laze about in your all togethers like a lazy long dog (and as a result, you cannot even score the three daily points so don’t bother asking).

  A couple points of clarity here:

  • If you have truly been Füsting to your full potential and you go after your Cheat Day with unbridled gusto, you are going to feel like warmed over scheisse the next day. So maybe temper your desires with a little self control or you will unquestionably pay for your enthusiasms (and GG reserves the right to say “I told you so” when you complain the next day about how terrible you feel).

  • While you don’t have to actually cheat on the Cheat Day, you cannot earn the three daily points so do what you will with that information . . .

  • And yes, you may still complete bonus activities for bonuspunkte on the Cheat Day (so the day is not completely void of value for those of you with “the sickness”).

  • Traditionally, the Cheat Day falls on the Saturday of Super Bowl weekend and GG has had a standing deal with Füsters who would prefer to take their day off on Sunday instead: in order to transfer your Cheat Day, you would need to complete a Doppelt workout that day (so double workout before the game AND you get no points for it). Having said all that, the NFL (working independently from the Füste LLC) has decided to push the Super Bowl to the SECOND weekend of February. This means it no longer aligns with the middle of a ten week Winterfüste event and the Cheat Day. So . . . where does that leave us? GG is willing to maintain the past deal if that’s really what you want to do, understanding that your Cheat Day will now not fall in the middle of the game and won’t be until the end of Week 6. Doppelt requirement on the day of the game will still be a strictly enforced. If you choose to go this way, just let GG know your intent in advance . . .

• As we close out January in two days, it’s time for GG to take stock of this month’s STRAVA bonuses. Because there is no way for the DRT to account for and limit points reported, many players have unintentionally scored themselves more than the allowed 10 total STRAVA Challenge bonus points for this month. This means that their current game total (and place on the Bestenliste) is erroneous. The only way for GG to deal with this is to complete an audit of every player to make sure they don’t have more than 10 STRAVA points through Jan. 31. This audit will take place on or around Feb. 1 and will result in your total point count being reduced as needed. So don’t freak out if this happens to you (and you should already have known you had over reported if you were paying attention to the game rules). And since GG will be in there under the hood, he’ll be fixing any other reporting issues he finds (e.g. anyone who over reported KoGs or Doppelts when only Singelts were legal etc.). A good Füster is an accurate Füster and you should welcome this work to make sure you’re where you should be in the game.

• While we’re on the topic of STRAVA, GG is going to limit the number of earnable STRAVA points in February to only 5. That means you can complete two +1p bonuses and one +3p bonus (or just one of the bigger bonuses but no matter what you do you won’t earn more than +5p for the month) . The unforeseen limitations of the DRT when it comes to this bonus concept is just too overwhelming for GG to deal with. He’ll have a solution for future Füstes . . .

• And as the saying goes, when Doktor Mediziner Schneebärtchen closes a mouth hole, he sends you a long dog, whereby the limitation to STRAVA bonuses hits just as Olympic game play comes on line. Starting next Saturday, you’ll be able to compete in a kompetition inside the kompetition as you battle to earn Olympic medals by completing specific physical feats based on Olympic categories. More to come on what this looks like later this week. But prepare yourself for the Torch Run Bonus on Friday as we celebrate the opening ceremonies . . .

• Continuing in the the spirit of the Olympics, don’t forget that you earn your first Olympische Ringe by the end of this weekend. You’ll remember that if you score all three daily points every day from Jan. 10th to Jan. 30th then you earn your first Olympic Ring (Blue) of the five rings needed to earn the big +15p bonus at the end of the game. The second Olympic Ring (Yellow) hits this week too if you completed all 8 of the fasting days through this Thursday. You don’t earn any points with the rings but you can finish Week 5 out with two of the five rings in hand!

• Another big bonus hitting this week is Dry January. The Dry January Bonus is a sizable +5p bonus earned by anyone who did not drink a single swallow of alcohol from Jan. 10th through Jan. 31st (this Monday). If you did this successfully, Tuesday morning you may report on the DRT that you earned this very impressive bonus. If you’re going to earn this bonus then you’ll need to take Monday off from other bonuses so you can report the Dry January Bonus without issue on Tuesday. So just consider it a nice little break from the madness. If you’re not going to earn the Dry January Bonus, then you can complete other bonuses on Monday without restriction . . .

• And while we’re on the topic of Dry January, let’s pause for a moment and talk about personal integrity. While the Füste is just a game, many, many players take it VERY seriously (and they paid cold, hard cash to be here). GG has no way of actually knowing what you do each day with your mouth hole. You might be filling it with donuts and ale for all he knows. And you’re on your honor for how you report each day when it comes to Foodenfüste and Drunkenfüste (as you well know). If by some crazy chance you had a little slip up over the last month and did not report it on the DRT (so you had that donut or drink but still awarded yourself the associated daily points), that’s fine, GG can’t do much about it. But he implores you to not take the Dry January Bonus or your Blue Olympic Ring if that’s the case. Many players went through personal hard ship to earn every point every day. If you didn’t, it’s not a good look to say you did. GG’s going to just leave this right here as uncomfortable as it is. He’s not going to ask about it or mention it again. If you earned the bonuses, award yourself appropriately. If you didn’t, well, karma can be really nasty. Just sayin.

GG knows this was a long update this week and he thanks you for your attention here (he thanks you so much that he’s going to offer a little bonus activity for those who read all the way through: send GG the answer to the following riddle to earn a +1p bonus . . . How many long dogs does it take to make a “quiver”? (answer is located on the website if you know where to look) . . . get the answer right, text it over and GG will award you the bonuspunkte himself, no need to report it on the DRT).

Okay, that’s way more than enough for a Saturday morning. Good luck with your first Doppelt tomorrow and everything else going on during this very busy week!

GG

Week 4 Update

Füsters,
For a change, this’ll be real quick. Here we go:

• Week 4’s bonuses have been posted and thankfully they are all very straight forward. Go get those punkte! And don’t forget that any past bonuses that you haven’t gotten too are still good to go . . .

• Homework requirements have increased, as you knew they would. Go HERE to check ‘em out.

• Your first Olympic Ring is just over the horizon. If you’ve scored all three daily punkte from Jan. 10th through the 30th you’ll earn the first ring. Get all five and earn the olympic sized +15p bonus.

• Some of you continue to report the KoG Weekly Assessment by using the STANDARD Bonus drop down menu on the DRT. Please do not do this. To report the KoG (only once a week!), use the checkbox on the DRT where it asks “Did you do your KoG Assessment?” And again, you only do this assessment once a week, on the weekend, at GG’s direction. Please do not click the KoG box each day to denote completion of your homework!

• The 10 point monthly limit for STRAVA bonus play is really straining the capabilities of the DRT. We may have to modify things in February and March to make it work and also so that GG doesn’t end up openly weeping every night in the shower. More to come here . . .

• Another DRT driven issue: mis-reporting. Whether it’s the wrong date, multiple and repeat entries for a single bonus, complete and utterly confusing entries that GG didn’t even know you could do on the DRT, there’s a lot of mistakes being made in the daily reports. GG’s catching many of them as they hit because they create wildly unrealistic point totals. But he’s starting to realize there’s a lot more of this going on than he understood. And so, he’s going to have to start auditing each players master sheet on a regular basis. How’s he going to do that when there’s 135 of you and 1 of him? No idea. But he’ll let you know he figures it out. In the meantime, if you have any question at all about what you’re going to report, just reach out to GG and make sure it makes sense. If you don’t hear back immediately, just hold your report until you do . . .

• And speaking of not hearing back, GG is on the road Monday and Tuesday of Week 4 so please don’t get offended if he doesn’t respond in a timely fashion to a text. He promises he’ll get back to you but it may take a day or so. And the nightly posting of the Bestenliste may be slightly delayed as well. We’ll see . . .

That’s it for this week. Hope everyone continues to have a good game experience and that you’re starting to see some progress in the battle against your flank meat! You should have dropped a pound or two by now, at least . . .

Okay, talk soon

GG

Week 3 Update: Rough Tech Week

Hallo Füsters,

Right out the gate, let GG apologize for the issue this past week with the reporting tool. He didn’t anticipate the need to add more STRAVA bonuses and he completely missed the issue where the KoG Weekly Assessment bonus would block out doing a second bonus on the same day. That’s all bad on GG. After a marathon reprogramming session on the DRT, he’s got both issues fixed as noted here:

• KoG Weekly Assessment: Your DRT now has a check box to use when you’re reporting the KoG each weekend. This will allow you to now score whatever other bonus you might do that same day by using the STANDARD or STRAVA or OLYMPIC pull down menus. You’ll still see the KoG Assessment as a selection in the STANDARD list but just ignore it as you now have the check box (you’ll also note there’s a mistake on it that says it was worth 5p which is obviously wrong and doesn’t matter anyways cause you’re not going to score it from the pull down anymore (hand over face emoji)).

• STRAVA Challenge Bonuses: As you’ll remember from early last week, there was an outcry from the Füsters that resulted in GG adding a couple more STRAVA Challenge Bonuses (ROKA, Runderwear and Yoga) to the initial list for January. Problem was that only the initial list was programmed to appear on the DRT so reporting on the newly added bonuses was a problem. GG’s plan to solve this last week was to have you use the STANDARD Bonus pull down and choose EVENT (1) or EVENT (3), something that a lot of Füsters missed completely (it was on the bonus page right below where GG added the extra bonuses). Well, and please listen up here, GG has fixed this issue with this weekend’s DRT update. Moving forward, to report any STRAVA Challenge bonus that you don’t see on the drop down list (so this is going to be for any bonuses that GG had to add after the game begin, i.e. ROKA, etc.), you will choose either “ADDITIONAL (1)” or “ADDITIONAL (3)” from the STRAVA drop down menu. So, for example, you complete the Runderwear 20K bonus. It’s worth +3p. You will now report this on the DRT by going to the STRAVA Challenge Bonus drop down menu and selecting ADDITIONAL (3) (if it had been worth 1p, you would have chosen ADDITIONAL (1), get it?). It was not possible for GG to enter the new bonuses on the DRT nor does he know what STRAVA will have for you in February or March so he had to create just a place holder for possible +1p or +3p bonuses. Which he has now done and we’ll never speak of this again.

What else is there to say this week? Thankfully not much. I think GG has over-communicated and caused enough problems for one week so let’s keep this short and to the point:

• Please remember that Doppelt (double) workouts are not live until Week 5! You can do all the exercise you want (and GG encourages you to) but you can only report and score a Singelt (single +1p) until January 30th.

• Hopefully last week’s Fasting Days went alright for everyone cause there’s three more weeks to come of being hangry and irritable.

• Earlier this week GG sent out a Bonus tracking sheet meant to help you preplan your game strategy. Check your email if you don’t know what GG is talking about and let him know if you didn’t receive it.

• Tomorrow night is the first “pop-up” bonus of WF22. These are bonuses not listed anywhere on the website and you have only day to complete them (unless you’re a shift worker who can’t pull it off because of your schedule and then just reach out to GG to figure out an alternative plan). Pop-up bonuses are typically not announced in advance (the whole point of them) but as this is the first one of WF22, GG felt he’d give you some lead time. Tomorrow’s bonus is a Full Moon Bonus, wherein you will need to head out into the night and complete a simple task under the light of the moon. GG will send out the details tomorrow but maybe do some practice howls this evening (you know, like a wolf under a full moon would 🧐).

• One thing GG would like to ask is that if you’re not following the Füste on Twitter, please do so! You literally can just follow GG and no one else if that’s what you’re worried about. Twitter is GG’s primary daily comms platform and if everyone was over there he wouldn’t have to annoy the Füsters with a barrage of text messages. You can find the Füste on Twitter by searching for @TheFüste and then setting the app to notify you of new Tweets.

• And congrats to the Bush Dog, a first time Füster who really made some big moves during Week 2 game play and has three trophies next to his name on the Bestenliste. He also now has a big target on his back and should prepare to be attacked by any number of Füsters hungry for that top spot! Heavy is the head that wears the crown, sir!

That’s it for today. Again, sorry for the mess last week but the Füste is always changing, always trying to improve and sometimes there’s a two steps forward, one step back thing that happens and while it’s frustrating it also helps make the game better in the end. Thanks for your patience and understanding and GG hopes it didn’t have too big an impact on you.

Have a great Week 3 and may the Füste be with you always,

GG

Week 2 Update Clarity

Some points of clarity for the Füsters:

• So, you can only do one bonus per day. That applies to all Standard Bonuses and STRAVA Challenge bonuses EXCEPT:

  • Lazy Long Dog Allowance - you can score a lazy long dog and this will NOT count as your daily bonus. So you can still get the 10K bonus or whatever on same day.

  • KoG Weekly Assessment - This will never count towards your daily bonus so you do your assessment each weekend and can do whatever other bonus you want to do on the same day.

  • Fasting - Fasting has nothing to do with the bonus game other than you earn a bonus if you complete all 8 days (and even that bonus will have no impact on your ability to do any other bonus on the day you awarded it).

• You cannot “stockpile” bonuses. Stockpiling is the practice of doing more than one bonus a day and then reporting those extra bonuses on another day(s). Complete one bonus per day, earn one bonus per day. That’s it (with the exception of the Lazy Long Dog and KoG, as mentioned above).

• The Friend Gift bonus . . . so, it doesn’t matter if you deliver one gift or five, that counts as your bonus play for that day. Obviously, to lessen the impact here, you’ll want to deliver all 5 gifts on the same day and call it good. But you don’t have to. You could deliver one gift per day for five days. Just understand that you can’t earn any other bonuses on those five days.

• STRAVA Challenge bonuses for January will now include:

  • Yoga Challenge: +3p

  • Runderwear 20k in 22 Days: +3p

  • ROKA RISE UP 300 Challenge: +1p

• For those concerned about their ability to earn the full +10p possible from the STRAVA Challenge bonuses, let GG point out this math: complete the Walk Distance Challenge 50K for +3p, Fresh Start Challenge 30hr for +5p, and the Yoga Challenge for +3p and you’ll earn the max allowable punkte. None of those three challenges are outside the capability of anyone Füsting.

• The promised bonus tracking sheet will be out in the next day or two. Please be patient.

That’s it. GG just wanted to address a number of questions that he’s been repeatedly hit with in the last two days.

Thanks everyone

GG

Week 2 Update . . . Reality Sets In

Hallo Füsters!

GG hopes this weekly communication finds you happy and a little tired this Sunday, as the wave of sudden activity from the last week washes over you on what is definitely NOT a rest day! Yes, it’s Sunday but this means nothing to those who Füste! So, sore, tired, whatever your mumble mouthed complaint is today, make sure you get out there and keep earning the punkte! Also GG hopes your transition through sugar and alcohol related DTs is going well and your seizure threshold remains truly unachievable! Fight through it and it will pass (the DTs, not the seizure; have a seizure and you should probably call 911). On the positive side, have you weighed yourself recently? If you’re Füsting to the games requirement’s and GG’s expectations, you should have dropped your first pound of flank meat (at least). If not, you need to do better in Week 2. Why suffer like this if not to gift yourself the elimination of a mile of extra vasculature (this is true, each pound of fat has an associated MILE of extra veins and arteries and so, so gross)? Keep it up!

Here’s the tea:

• Due to a truly shocking number of Füsters who currently have COVID or COVID like symptoms and are not relishing the idea of leaping into a body of ice cold water, GG is extending the final date for the Polar Plunge until Friday, January 14th at 5PM PST. Hopefully this will give you Omicron carriers enough time to get it together and go get wet and cold without developing COVID lung as a result!

• Week 2 starts the game for real, as in:

  • A myriad of bonuses have been released on the game Bonus Page. There’s a ton of information there about how to earn bonuspunkte starting TOMORROW. Make sure you go to the page here and review everything. Even if you’re a repeat Füster, make sure you take a look at the new info cause some things may have changed. And please remember (VERY IMPORTANT POINT COMING UP), you can only earn one bonus per day! GG will say it again, you can only earn one bonus per day. So choose wisely!

  • STRAVA bonuses begin tomorrow for the month of January. Quick note, if you completed the Run 5K Challenge during Week 1, GG will honor it. Send him the required proof (as described on the Bonus page) and score yourself for the completed bonus on tomorrow’s (Monday, Jan. 10th) DRT report. And if you erroneously scored yourself for this bonus last week, don’t worry, GG deleted it so go ahead and do it again tomorrow.

  • Homework is now in full effect. And to be clear here, there is NO DAILY REPORTING REQUIREMENT for Homework. You just do the homework each day as best you can and to your ability and then complete the KoG Weekly Assessment on the following weekend. There’s a ton of detail on this on both the Homework page (here) and the Bonus page (here). So don’t pretend to be shocked when GG hits you with next weekend’s assessment request. Do your homework (again, as best you can) and earn bonuspunkte.

  • Fasting begins this week (GG knows and pretty much agrees, barf). Tuesday, Jan. 11th is the first Half Fastentag (water only) fasting day, starting at sunup and going to sundown (local times observed for those not in CA or even in the U.S.). Then Thursday, Jan. 13th is the first Full Fastentag Day where you will observe a 24 hour fast of clear liquids only, starting Thursday at midnight and going until Friday at the same time. The back to back structure here is intentional and meant to cause extreme misery to that parasitical flank meat hugging your midsection. Also, if you read the Bonus page, you’ll note that one of your five Olympic Rings is earned via the completion of all 8 fasting days so better saddle up and join GG on the miserable trail of hunger and irritation. Apologies to all by-standers and non-Füste family members caught in the cross-fire!

• One quick note on the DRT. There’s a small issue with how you report the Friend Gift bonus and it’s a problem derived by the tool itself. You can only report the delivery of a gift as a daily total. So, if tomorrow you deliver 2 of the 5 gifts, you need to select “FRIEND GIFT X2”, not “FRIEND GIFT X1” twice. Deliver three gifts in one day, select “FRIEND GIFT X3” etc. Hopefully that makes sense when you go to report. If not, just ping GG and he’ll explain further.

• New this year, GG is going to be sending out an Individual Bonus Allowance tracking sheet that you can use to help navigate the bonus play during WF22. It has all the bonuses that are going to be released during the game, week by week, point values, and even a little check box so you can mark what you completed. It also has the full name of each bonus (as posted on the website Bonus page) and also the nickname you’ll find for that bonus on the DRT. GG hopes this will make overall game play a little easier for you. This document will be released in the next couple of days.

• One final point for this week’s update, GG’s first travel period starts today (Sunday) and goes through Wednesday. When GG’s on the road you can expect delays in response times to your communications. It’s inevitable as GG is not home and plugged into Füste HQ. You may also see Bestenliste updates coming out later at night (but you’ve already seen that this weekend thanks to the great County of Los Angeles and their little Omicron problem, don’t get GG started on his day job). So anyways, deal with it.

Alright, Füsters, that’s it for today. You guys have been doing an amazing job reporting off each day (except for those of you who haven’t been; you know who you are). Keep going. It only gets harder from here but as it does, the benefits also increase so there’s that. GG’s glad you’re here and hopes you’re having fun!

May the Füste be with you always,

Griswalde

Startenfüste Update - Easing into Week 1

Good evening, Füsters!

GG will make this quick and promises you won’t have to hear from him again until next Sunday . . .

Here’s the tea:

• Tomorrow is the first time you’ll use the new Daily Reporting Tool (DRT). For some of you, this will be the your first time ever. To make all of our lives a little easier, GG has created a guide on how to use the DRT. Find it HERE (you can also find the page by using the pull down menu hiding under “THE FÜSTE” heading at the top of all pages on the website). GG will be around tomorrow morning if you have issues or need help . . . Remember, reports are due by noon local time.

• Also remember there’s only one bonus available this week and that’s the Polar Plunge. This is by design so you can ease into this beast we call Winterfüste and not freak out. Concentrate on getting your three points each day this week. Just focus on that and maybe start hitting your homework. The first big slew of bonuses will be released next Sunday night.

• A point of clarity on that homework . . . and this comes up every year. You do not report off on daily homework. You just do it (do the five exercises). The way you “report” or prove your compliance with this daily assignment is through the Köcher of Gott Bonus Assessment each weekend. On Friday’s, GG will let you know which of the five exercises you need to send video proof of (remember, you don’t have to prove all five now, just whichever GG says for that weekend) by Sunday night. Do it, send it, earn the +3p KoG assessment bonus. So that’s how that works.

• When all else fails, walk. Walking for one hour will get you your daily exercise point. You can always squeeze a walk in. So don’t beat yourself up if you didn’t work out and it’s suddenly late in the day . . . just go for a walk!

• Tonight’s pro-tip: clear your pantry of all non-Füste friendly foods. If it’s not in your house, you wont be able to eat it and blow your Foodenpunkte. GG has learned this the hard way over the years.

That’s it. From what GG’s seen on STRAVA so far today and the videos and pics that have been coming in, you guys are off to a great startenfüste! Keep it up! Only 76 more days to go! 🤦🏻‍♂️

GG

Welcome to Winterfüste 2022!

HALLO FROM FÜSTE HQ!

GG welcomes you to the 233rd annual expression of physical pain and extreme self-sacrifice that is Winterfüste! He’s very happy to have you along for the ride and hopes you find the next 11 weeks to be both fun and reconstructive to your physical and mental processes.

A NOTE ABOUT GG

The Füste is a one man labor of love, not a corporate machine driven by high profits and built on the backs of a disposable work force. Like you, he’s got a day job that pays the bills. As a result, he is not available 24 hours a day for player support. Having said that, he is usually able to respond pretty quickly to enquiries and questions so please just be patient and he’ll get back to you as soon as he can. Full disclosure, there will be days where you won’t hear back for an extended period. This usually happens when GG is on the road for work (but he’ll let you know in advance when this is going to happen). The most important thing you can do regardless of what GG is up to is to continue to report off each and everyday. Play the game, report the results. Over and over again. Until March 12th. Then you may go in peace.

A NOTE ABOUT THE DRT

GG uses the Smartsheet platform for the Daily Reporting Tool. It’s a fairly solid product except when it’s not. The easiest way to make the DRT work is to NOT have the Smartsheet app on your phone UNLESS you’re already a paying customer for some other purpose (like your company uses it and you have an account through them). If this isn’t your situation then you want to just use the link you’ve been sent as a “guest”. Unless you want to pay for Smartsheets yourself, do not download the app. Just use the link you’ve been given. The Füste LLC has a Smartsheet account and your link comes from that so there’s no need for you to pay independently. If you have major issues setting up your DRT link to work properly, please reach out to GG sooner than later. Reporting is the life blood of the Füste and if you’re not reporting than you might as well be sitting on your couch dressed only in a trash bag and spooning bourbon and corn flake ice cream (it’s a real thing, look it up!) directly into your mouthhole. So take care of any issues early so you can have the reporting relationship GG wants and quite frankly you deserve.

A NOTE ON BONUSES

Bonus game play during Winterfüste is huge but it doesn’t really start until Week 2 (that’s next next Monday, Jan. 10th). For the first week there is only one bonus you can earn and that’s the Polar Plunge (you know the one where you push yourself completely outside of your personal boundaries and go jump in a freezing body of water in the early days of Winter). Look, the Europeans have been doing this sort of thing for hundreds of years (and the Füste is, after all, a German/Bavarian product at it’s core; I know Reindeer, just go with it) and they’ve only started two world wars and colonised the free world and okay, maybe this isn’t going where GG wants it to . . . Let’s put it this way: nothing bad’s going to happen to you if you get cold and wet for like 30 seconds so suck it up, buttercup and go get those bonuspunkte! You’ll be glad you did when you secure a final top ten spot by only +3p over a player who stayed dry and warm in the early days of January.

Once bonuses really get going in Week 2, you’ll notice there’s three different categories now: Standard, STRAVA, and Olympic. GG’s not going to get into details here cause it’s all over in the Regelbuch and the Bonus page. So make sure you familiarise yourself with the new regimen over there.

And speaking of changes . . .

A NOTE ON GAME CHANGES

Here’s a short list of what’s different this Füste from those events in the recent past:

• No Gruppen, Klan or Skwad game play . . . oh, don’t pretend to be disappointed. GG has tried for five years to crack this nut as it were and he’s finally raising the white flag of defeat. Few players really engaged in the group play and the work load for GG was just too great for a very little pay off to the game overall.

• As always, fasting has changed again (again). Make sure you understand this Füste’s fasting parameters by reviewing the Regelbuch. To make it simple, there are no longer two paths to earn the fasting completion bonus. This year, you have to do all 8 fasting days, both the halfs and the fulls, if you want that +6p bonus the end of the ordeal.

• Meatless Mondays are back BUT they don’t have a daily point value. You still report them on the DRT by checking the box but you won’t get anything for it, not unless you complete all of them and then you’ll earn a +5 bonus!

• Some of the workout parameters have had minor changes made to their requirements (e.g. swimming is now just a distance based activity, no time component). Make sure you review the details in the Regelbuch so you don’t get caught flat footed with something that doesn’t fulfil the new rules.

• Homework is the same but different. The weekend audits are now worth +3p so that’s big time compared to the past. And you’ll only be asked to prove out one of the five different homework exercises during the audit. Gone are the days of GG watching you painfully struggle through a four minute audit work out. The first homework audit doesn’t hit until after Week 2 is complete, giving you enough time to really nail your form on those 5 reps of pushups (hand over face emoji).

• There’s a mandatory weekly rest day starting Week 7. This is to protect you from over-training once double and triple workouts come to town.

A NOTE TO YOU NON IPHONE USERS (ALL 11 OF YOU)

For those non-lemmings who refuse to deal with the superiority of Apple’s phone unit, once again your independence of spirit in purchasing an Android or Google or whatever cell phone platform will bring a major headache to GG’s winter world. Besides having significant texting difficulties, the number one issue with your clunky ass “smart phones” is that they’re clearly running Windows 98 (don’t try to convince him any differently, GG’s be on the receiving end of this nightmare for half a decade now) and cannot deal with video compression. As a result, unlike 98% of the rest of your fellow players, you will be incapable of sending a simple and clear video to GG (which is required proof for many bonuses). Over the years GG has tried to deal with this issue by embracing different solutions that have mostly all failed (because of your phone, not because of GG, let’s be crystal clear). But this year he’s fighting fire with fire and using Bill’s own Microsoft OneDrive cloud service to try and bridge the gap between you and sanity. All non-iPhone users will receive a link to a shared folder on the Füste’s OneDrive account. You should be able to drop your videos in there and Gott willing this will solve the problem. And to be clear, GG is equally critical of many of Apple’s products but their phone units just work. Don’t even start, Squat Lobster and Wolverine. Just stop. No one’s listening.

AND FINALLY . . . A NOTE ON THE GAME

If you haven’t heard, 9 of the last 10 Bestenfi (those are the past Champions, the maniacs who’ve won one of these Füste events and lived to tell the tale) are playing WF22. What does this mean? That there are almost double digit fanatics that you’re going to have to chew through to get your first Füste win. GG won’t lie. It’s going to be rough. It usually is. If you’re a hypercompetitive schlange who has to beat everyone all the time, prepare for a sobering experience. You are going to need EVERY POINT in the game to win. EVERY POINT. That’s all three points each day plus ALL of the bonus points. Not up for it? That’s okay. GG isn’t either. We can be over here having a perfectly productive experience and laying waste to our flank meat and shooting for a top 20 finish. Absolutely no shame in that. Let the crazy people beat the krapenfüste out of each other for a place on the podium. But having said all that, you just might find out around week 4 that you are in fact one of these lunatics I’m talking about and really, really want that 1st place medal and stuffed Dachshund (yes, those things are real and only for winners). It would be terrible if you realised who you really were only AFTER dropping a food or drink point or being a lazy long dog and not working out one day. So better to play it safe and get all three points every day for as long as you can. You just might find you have the heart of a champion beating in that flank meat encased torso of yours and you want to go for it. So bridge the gap between who you think you are today and who you might be in four or five weeks and do yourself a solid: play as hard as you can, if for no other reason than to give your future self a chance to be a complete maniac clutching a stuffed long dog and openly weeping on the Finalfüste.

Alright, that’s about enough for tonight. GG is nothing if not overly generous with the written word. Game play starts tomorrow at 5am. Do yourself proud and hit the pavement running and don’t look back. Nothing good comes from looking over your shoulder at the past. Focus on moving forward into the new year and doing your absolute best over the next 11 weeks. You’ll be happy that you did once you’re done. GG has complete faith in you. You’ve got this.

May the Füste be with you always and we’ll see you on the Spielbrett.

GG

Closing it out . . .

Füsters,

Once again we come to the final week of a Füste event . . . and while this won’t be the last communication you get from GG, it will be the final update for the game.

• Do not forget that Drachen-slayage begins tomorrow. You have seven days to put that big scaly bastard down so get to it! Don’t forget that all Drachen proposals must be approved by GG before you attempt the slayage. And don’t forget about the Drachen’s Tail for those hoping to earn the 5 (Olympic) Rings Maester Bonus!

• Not a ton of Choose Your Own Adventure ideas have been floated to GG yet. But one that struck a chord comes to us from Squat Lobster. His idea (slightly modified by GG) is that you complete a singelt workout parameter dressed . . . wait for it . . . as either your Totemfüste or a long dog, your choice. Do this and earn a +3p CYOA bonus (pic or video proof sent to GG, of course).

• Speaking of bonuses, all remaining game bonuses are now posted on the website and all are live through the end of the game (unless you’ve already completed them, that is). Remember, only one bonus per day can be earned so choose wisely (this rule does not apply to the give your friend some fruit bonus . . . that one can be combined with another bonus).

• This Monday, August 30th will be the official make up day for anyone who missed a Fastentag day. You won’t get the +1p for completing it, but it will count towards the 5 Ring Maesterbonus, if you need it.

That’s it for now. Finish strong and we’ll talk again one more time before the Finalfüste! Have a great weekend and may the Füste be with you always!

GG

Did you read this last update? Did you really? Then earn a +1p bonus by texting GG the answer to this very important riddle: What do long dogs say on October 31st?

Week 6 Update

Hallo Füsters!

Hope everyone is getting ready to finish strong as we enter the final two weeks of Sömmer Kamp. Not a ton to say other than a couple more bonuses have been dropped on the website and GG has officially shut down homework for the remainder of the game (just never got that up to speed this Füste . . . ). Make sure to check the Week 7 Preview info on the Bonuspunkte page (here) to get all the juicy details on the 5 Ring Maesterbonus (and don’t forget you’ll be slaying your Drachen next week too!). That’s it for now. Only eleven days left to push your way up the rankings and try for a podium spot! Plenty of bonuses to use to your advantage and just enough time to really shake things up if you’re anywhere in the top 10. Good luck and may the Füste be with you!

GG