HALLO FROM FÜSTE HQ!
GG welcomes you to the 233rd annual expression of physical pain and extreme self-sacrifice that is Winterfüste! He’s very happy to have you along for the ride and hopes you find the next 11 weeks to be both fun and reconstructive to your physical and mental processes.
A NOTE ABOUT GG
The Füste is a one man labor of love, not a corporate machine driven by high profits and built on the backs of a disposable work force. Like you, he’s got a day job that pays the bills. As a result, he is not available 24 hours a day for player support. Having said that, he is usually able to respond pretty quickly to enquiries and questions so please just be patient and he’ll get back to you as soon as he can. Full disclosure, there will be days where you won’t hear back for an extended period. This usually happens when GG is on the road for work (but he’ll let you know in advance when this is going to happen). The most important thing you can do regardless of what GG is up to is to continue to report off each and everyday. Play the game, report the results. Over and over again. Until March 12th. Then you may go in peace.
A NOTE ABOUT THE DRT
GG uses the Smartsheet platform for the Daily Reporting Tool. It’s a fairly solid product except when it’s not. The easiest way to make the DRT work is to NOT have the Smartsheet app on your phone UNLESS you’re already a paying customer for some other purpose (like your company uses it and you have an account through them). If this isn’t your situation then you want to just use the link you’ve been sent as a “guest”. Unless you want to pay for Smartsheets yourself, do not download the app. Just use the link you’ve been given. The Füste LLC has a Smartsheet account and your link comes from that so there’s no need for you to pay independently. If you have major issues setting up your DRT link to work properly, please reach out to GG sooner than later. Reporting is the life blood of the Füste and if you’re not reporting than you might as well be sitting on your couch dressed only in a trash bag and spooning bourbon and corn flake ice cream (it’s a real thing, look it up!) directly into your mouthhole. So take care of any issues early so you can have the reporting relationship GG wants and quite frankly you deserve.
A NOTE ON BONUSES
Bonus game play during Winterfüste is huge but it doesn’t really start until Week 2 (that’s next next Monday, Jan. 10th). For the first week there is only one bonus you can earn and that’s the Polar Plunge (you know the one where you push yourself completely outside of your personal boundaries and go jump in a freezing body of water in the early days of Winter). Look, the Europeans have been doing this sort of thing for hundreds of years (and the Füste is, after all, a German/Bavarian product at it’s core; I know Reindeer, just go with it) and they’ve only started two world wars and colonised the free world and okay, maybe this isn’t going where GG wants it to . . . Let’s put it this way: nothing bad’s going to happen to you if you get cold and wet for like 30 seconds so suck it up, buttercup and go get those bonuspunkte! You’ll be glad you did when you secure a final top ten spot by only +3p over a player who stayed dry and warm in the early days of January.
Once bonuses really get going in Week 2, you’ll notice there’s three different categories now: Standard, STRAVA, and Olympic. GG’s not going to get into details here cause it’s all over in the Regelbuch and the Bonus page. So make sure you familiarise yourself with the new regimen over there.
And speaking of changes . . .
A NOTE ON GAME CHANGES
Here’s a short list of what’s different this Füste from those events in the recent past:
No Gruppen, Klan or Skwad game play . . . oh, don’t pretend to be disappointed. GG has tried for five years to crack this nut as it were and he’s finally raising the white flag of defeat. Few players really engaged in the group play and the work load for GG was just too great for a very little pay off to the game overall.
As always, fasting has changed again (again). Make sure you understand this Füste’s fasting parameters by reviewing the Regelbuch. To make it simple, there are no longer two paths to earn the fasting completion bonus. This year, you have to do all 8 fasting days, both the halfs and the fulls, if you want that +6p bonus the end of the ordeal.
Meatless Mondays are back BUT they don’t have a daily point value. You still report them on the DRT by checking the box but you won’t get anything for it, not unless you complete all of them and then you’ll earn a +5 bonus!
Some of the workout parameters have had minor changes made to their requirements (e.g. swimming is now just a distance based activity, no time component). Make sure you review the details in the Regelbuch so you don’t get caught flat footed with something that doesn’t fulfil the new rules.
Homework is the same but different. The weekend audits are now worth +3p so that’s big time compared to the past. And you’ll only be asked to prove out one of the five different homework exercises during the audit. Gone are the days of GG watching you painfully struggle through a four minute audit work out. The first homework audit doesn’t hit until after Week 2 is complete, giving you enough time to really nail your form on those 5 reps of pushups (hand over face emoji).
There’s a mandatory weekly rest day starting Week 7. This is to protect you from over-training once double and triple workouts come to town.
A NOTE TO YOU NON IPHONE USERS (ALL 11 OF YOU)
For those non-lemmings who refuse to deal with the superiority of Apple’s phone unit, once again your independence of spirit in purchasing an Android or Google or whatever cell phone platform will bring a major headache to GG’s winter world. Besides having significant texting difficulties, the number one issue with your clunky ass “smart phones” is that they’re clearly running Windows 98 (don’t try to convince him any differently, GG’s be on the receiving end of this nightmare for half a decade now) and cannot deal with video compression. As a result, unlike 98% of the rest of your fellow players, you will be incapable of sending a simple and clear video to GG (which is required proof for many bonuses). Over the years GG has tried to deal with this issue by embracing different solutions that have mostly all failed (because of your phone, not because of GG, let’s be crystal clear). But this year he’s fighting fire with fire and using Bill’s own Microsoft OneDrive cloud service to try and bridge the gap between you and sanity. All non-iPhone users will receive a link to a shared folder on the Füste’s OneDrive account. You should be able to drop your videos in there and Gott willing this will solve the problem. And to be clear, GG is equally critical of many of Apple’s products but their phone units just work. Don’t even start, Squat Lobster and Wolverine. Just stop. No one’s listening.
AND FINALLY . . . A NOTE ON THE GAME
If you haven’t heard, 9 of the last 10 Bestenfi (those are the past Champions, the maniacs who’ve won one of these Füste events and lived to tell the tale) are playing WF22. What does this mean? That there are almost double digit fanatics that you’re going to have to chew through to get your first Füste win. GG won’t lie. It’s going to be rough. It usually is. If you’re a hypercompetitive schlange who has to beat everyone all the time, prepare for a sobering experience. You are going to need EVERY POINT in the game to win. EVERY POINT. That’s all three points each day plus ALL of the bonus points. Not up for it? That’s okay. GG isn’t either. We can be over here having a perfectly productive experience and laying waste to our flank meat and shooting for a top 20 finish. Absolutely no shame in that. Let the crazy people beat the krapenfüste out of each other for a place on the podium. But having said all that, you just might find out around week 4 that you are in fact one of these lunatics I’m talking about and really, really want that 1st place medal and stuffed Dachshund (yes, those things are real and only for winners). It would be terrible if you realised who you really were only AFTER dropping a food or drink point or being a lazy long dog and not working out one day. So better to play it safe and get all three points every day for as long as you can. You just might find you have the heart of a champion beating in that flank meat encased torso of yours and you want to go for it. So bridge the gap between who you think you are today and who you might be in four or five weeks and do yourself a solid: play as hard as you can, if for no other reason than to give your future self a chance to be a complete maniac clutching a stuffed long dog and openly weeping on the Finalfüste.
Alright, that’s about enough for tonight. GG is nothing if not overly generous with the written word. Game play starts tomorrow at 5am. Do yourself proud and hit the pavement running and don’t look back. Nothing good comes from looking over your shoulder at the past. Focus on moving forward into the new year and doing your absolute best over the next 11 weeks. You’ll be happy that you did once you’re done. GG has complete faith in you. You’ve got this.
May the Füste be with you always and we’ll see you on the Spielbrett.
GG