Week 5 Update: Not Even Close to a Downhill Run to the Finish

Guten Tag, Füsters . . . and willkommen to Week 5 of WF19.

You have officially passed the halfway point of the game and while GG would like to say it’s all downhill from here, we both know that’s not remotely true. In fact, the game just gets harder each week until we reach the end. This weekend’s Groundhog Day Challenge is off to an insane start with at least two Füsters dropping unbelievable mileage gains on the game (the only one that GG can confirm at this point is Eisen Wolverine, the original Bestenfüste from WF17, who ran (and GG is not joking here) over THRITY MILES yesterday in repeat 5K laps!). Don’t forget that today and tomorrow are both eligible days for completion of the challenge so get our there in the rain and earn your bonuspunkte. What other sinister challenges does GG have in store for you in the back half of the game? You’ll just have to wait and see!

Now for the news . . .

• Today is the second weigh-in of the game. Get on a scale, take a pic of your weight with your gross coyote paws in clear view, earn a +2p bonus. There will be one more weigh-in on Finalefüste . . .

• Speaking of Finalefüste, hopefully you’ve marked your calendar for the afternoon/evening of Friday, March 1st to attend the Finale Konfrontation in Santa Rosa. If you absolutely know that you cannot attend, please let GG know as soon as possible. (for the SEPs, it’s up to JJ as to the date, time and location of your final event so check in with her). Location is still TBD but it will be in the greater Santa Rosa area.

• Make sure you’re checking the Bonuspunkte page at the start of each week for new bonuses and for details on the ever changing Plankenfüste. GG has noticed that some are making assumptions about what that week’s plank parameters entail and are actually not completing a punkte eligible activity. To that, GG has also noticed that some players are starting to bend the edges of the daily parameter requirements. To be clear, if you don’t meet the requirements, you will not earn your punkte. Please do not make GG (or JJ) be the bad guy and tell you your hard work was for nought because you decided to cut your event short by five minutes. Which brings GG back to another point: the rules is the rules. Please follow the rules. GG cannot make exceptions for you if you do not follow the stated rules. Everyone else is so “exceptions” equal special treatment and that doesn’t happen in the Fùste. We are all punished (including GG) equally.

• Oh you thought you’d be cute and just scan down to the bottom to get your “I read this update” bonus? You really think GG is this simple? Text the German word for “cheater” with tomorrow’s weekend report off to earn your +1p bonus for reading through all this . . .

• Today’s Cheat Day is brought to you in part by you feeling absolutely TERRIBLE tomorrow. For the Neu-Füstes among us, if you’ve been Füsting appropriately, what you do to yourself today will have a logarithmic impact on you tomorrow morning. Go easy. You’re going to want to eat the world, pack yourself full of everything you’ve been denying yourself for over a month. But just know that your body has been clean of sugar etc. and the sudden (and possibly voluminous) reintroduction is going to have a major effect on you. Couple this with alcohol and the standard quote that GG hears the next morning is, “it wasn’t worth it”. So learn from the mistakes of your for-Füsters and #GoEasy.

• Week 5’s Hausaufgaben Assignment:

  Complete five rounds of the following:

  • 8 push-ups (#26)

  • 10 forward lunges (5 each leg) (#2)

  • 10 squats (#13) or 30 second wall hold

  • 30 second plank (on forearms), then right into . . .

  • 10 plank ups (going from forearms to straight arms counts as 1) (#23)

  • 30 bicycle crunches (tap left elbow to right knees count as 1, tap right elbow to left knee count as 2, etc) (#35)

  • 15 hip bridges (#28)

  • 5 burpees (#23)

Remember, the number in parentheses corresponds with the explanation of said maneuver found on this reference page: CLICK HERE.

• For new bonuses, click here.

That’s it for now, Füsters! Enjoy your day off and have a good time. If you do choose to destroy yourself today, try to keep the complaining to a minimum tomorrow morning as you only have yourself to blame! Week 5 begins tomorrow, Doppelts continue, more special activities coming soon. The Füste marches ever on. Who will be crowned the victorious Bestenfüste in a little under four weeks? It’s anybody’s game at this point. Keep it up, fight fiercely and defeat that meat!

GG out.

Week 4 Update to the Update: Homework

Yesterday’s weekly update inadvertently did not include this week’s Hausaufgaben assignment so, without further ado, here you go:

Complete three rounds of the following:

• 10 Burpees (#26)

• 14 forward lunges (7 each leg) (#2)

• 10 froggers (#13)

• 60 second plank (on forearms), then right into next . . .

• 12 plank ups (going from forearms to straight arms counts as 1) (#23)

• 30 bicycle crunches (tap left elbow to right knees count as 1, tap right elbow to left knee count as 2, etc) (#35)

• 20 hip bridges (#28)

• 20 single leg glute bridges (10 each leg) (#9)

Remember, the number in parentheses corresponds with the explanation of said maneuver found on this reference page: CLICK HERE.

Week 4 Update: The Toughest Week . . . so far

Willkommen to Week 4, Füsters! To date, we’ve had the fewest drop-outs of any Füste event in recent history! Sadly we retired Walrus, a Founding Füster of immense power who actually won Bestenfüste in 2016 (granted the category was a little different back then) but has failed to perform in any meaningful way since then. #SAD. We also retired the dynamic Hedgehog, a returning Füster who will be missed for her creativity and fun attitude. They will be missed.

Alright, some updates . . . .

• We are now into the three week period of game play known as “The Deepest Cut”. This week will be particularly challenging as it sees Doppelt Schmnerzenfüste begin in earnest, coupled with the wicked but strangely satisfying 72 hour Hungriger Geist Survival Challenge. Yes, you can now double your daily workout parameter or complete two separate workouts to earn +2.0p each day (you may still do the single workouts for the normal +1p). Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday are HG Days #4, 5, and 6 respectfully and stacked they create a level of caloric restriction that you will rarely experience in this industrialized first world simulation we call life in America. Currently there are only ten brave souls with the iron enough to wage this level of open warfare on their flank meat and to those ten players GG can only say: RESPECT. 

• Believe it or not, this Thursday, Jan. 31st, marks the half-way point of Winterfüste 2019 (GG can’t quite believe it either). This is a good day to take stalk of where you’re at in the game. First, go strip down and step on a scale in full view of a mirror. Do you like what you see?? If not, you’ll have a little over four weeks to do something about . . . uh, that. Do not let the flank meat bully you into softness or complacency! Do everything you can on the back half of the game to defeat that meat! As for as points, you should be rapidly closing in on 100 punkte. If that’s not you, go to the bonus page and get to work! There are so many points being left on the Spielbrett each week that it makes GG #melancholy. For instance, what excuse do you have for not completing three planks a week to not only earn for your Gruppen but also get that sweet, sweet +1p bonus for yourself (what? You didn’t know about that bonus? Huh, perhaps keeping up on the game would do you some good, eh?).

• With the halfway point of the game comes Mediziner Schneebartchen’s singular gift to you this Winterfüste, your cheat day. Traditionally, this day falls on or about the half way point and almost always NOT on Super Bowl Sunday. Will this cruel and pointless act of sadism continue this year? We’ll all find out together later this week (but here’s a hint: GG was born and raised in Los Angeles as a Rams fan . . .  you do the math).

• This Saturday is a special day and will offer every Füster the opportunity to earn some much needed bonuspunkte. Here’s how the Groundhog Day Challenge works:

  • In 24 hours, you may do a single workout parameter as many times as you are physically able, without causing yourself permanent injury, disability and/or death. But there’s a catch: you must repeat the single workout parameter exactly the same way each time you do it. For instance, let’s say you fancy yourself a runner. You decide to complete the 5K single workout parameter for the Groundhog Challenge. Each time you do it, you must follow the exact same path. So basically each time you do it, it would be considered a “lap” on a set course and you would earn +1p. Every time you repeat this lap, you will earn another +1p. And so on and so forth, again and again and again. Time is a flat circle (but GG digresses). You may take as long of a break as you like between laps but each time you run your 5K it must be EXACTLY THE SAME experience. This exercise in perceived madness is available to you on Saturday, midnight to midnight (for those who work on Saturday, you may do it Sunday or even Monday). Only distance based parameters that can be tracked on STRAVA are eligible for this challenge (this means no gym workouts, HIITS, cross-fit or the like, bro; swimming, elliptical, dreadmill and drainer are also all outlawed). You may walk, hike, run, ride, x-country ski or snow shoe to complete this challenge. Activity practiced during this challenge will count towards your daily Schmerzenfüste as well . . .

• And speaking of excessive Schmerzenfüsten, it’s now time to start contemplation of your Drachenfüste proposal. Please remember that the Drachen is meant to truly challenge you like nothing else has during Winterfüste. The very basic requirement is to complete a single continuous workout that equals at least four singles . . . so yes, this means a 12K run, 16 mile walk, four hours on a bike, two hours and 20 min in the pool. etc. You may do any combo of parameters you want as long as what you propose is a true and epic challenge. GG (or JJ for the SEPs)  will not green light your challenge if your Drachen is not truly worth slaying. Remember, completion of this challenge is worth +10p so think in those terms when coming up with what you want to do. Drachens may be slain between the dates of Feb. 23rd and Mar. 1st. 

• New bonuses will be available shortly on the bonus page so check back in the morning . . .

As noted on Twitter a couple times last week, GG is entering a particularly painful period of business travel that will limit his time to both respond immediately to your texted reports and to update the Bestenliste nightly. He will do his best to do both, but do not be surprised if you don’t hear back or if the Bestenliste doesn’t get updated for a day. No one promised you immediacy here . . . in fact, if you go back to your willkommen email, you’ll find the GG specifically said the Bestenliste would be updated nightly, “except when it’s not”. So patience please. There’s 63 of you and only one GG. He will get to all of you in time (and yes, GG knows that having to go to Hawaii for work cannot be considered a “hard ship” but it’s all, all of it, relative, Bub).

That’s if for now. Enjoy the pain storm that is Week 4 of Winterfüste 2019. Looking forward to see what you all can do on this canvas of discomfort and self-sacrifice! 

#GORAMS

GG

Did you read this whole thing? Text GG who you think he is in the game (hint: he’s not in the top 10 nor is he in the basement either). One guess. Get it right, earn a +1p bonus.

Willkommen to Week 3: Super Blood Wolf Moon Ed.

Hallo Füsters . . .

It’s official: you’ve survived 25% of WF19! Hopefully you’ve seen some changes by now. Maybe a noticeable reduction in that holiday induced mushroom top? An increase in your run pace or at the very least a quieting of that incessant, industrial-designed need to consume more and more sugar. Whatever it is that you’ve noticed, it only gets better from here.

Some game updates/notes for you on a rainy mid-Winter Sunday:

• As a whole, you remain the best reporting group of Füsters that GG has seen to date. Reporting has always been a challenge for the Totemfi but so far you are doing great (well, most of you . . . Nighthawk, OG Walrus, White Moose, Honey Badger, Raven, Hoary Marmot, Musk Oxen, ask yourselves, are you living your best life?). Please keep it up and try to report by noon each day.

• Remember that some bonuses are in fact bonuses for EXTRA activity. The activities used for Wangerungfüste and Mitternachtsonne must be done IN ADDITION to your daily Schmerzenfüste activity. Anderefüste and Seigerfüste do not have this requirement, which means that your daily Schmerzenfüste counts as the activity for these bonuses. Hopefully this makes sense.

• Another note on bonuses: Anderefüste requires you to complete a STRAVA based monthly challenge. “Virtual” events are not eligible for this bonus. In order to earn the +3p, you must either complete the 10K run challenge or the cycling 100K challenge. If so inclined, you may also earn this bonus by completing the total monthly distance or climbing challenges 9but those are pretty brutal). As this was not clear, those who have or plan to complete a “virtual” event in January may do so and earn their bonus. But just be aware that this will not be available to your for February or March’s Anderefüste IBA.

• A new addition to the the Plankenfüste GBA . . . starting this week, when you complete all three planks for your Gruppen, you will earn a +1p completion bonus for yourself. Please note that you can only do one plank in a given 24 hour period and you cannot “stack” planks (i.e. you cannot do one 3 minute plank and have it count as your three planks). Please make sure that you notify GG (or JJ) when you send proof of the third plank so your bonus point doesn’t get missed . . . and yes, the game managers are keeping track but they’re not infallible so help yourself be successful and over communicate.

• There are new bonuses added to the bonus page so go check them out and use them to crush the souls of your opponents!

• Hausaufgaben (“homework”) audits begin this week. Several Totemfi will be randomly selected each day to send GG (or JJ) proof that you have in fact been doing your homework. This will require you to video yourself completing an audit challenge. When selected, you will need to send your proof of completion to your appropriate game manger (GG or JJ) no later than 19:00 hours on the day it’s assigned. Failure to do so will result in a penalty to your Gruppen.

• Speaking of Hausaufgaben, here’s this weeks assignment:

  Complete three rounds of the following:

  • 10 push ups (#20)

  • 10 reverse lunges (5 each leg) (#2)

  • 7 froggers (#13)

  • 45 second plank (on forearms), then right into next . . .

  • 10 plank ups (going from forearms to straight arms counts as 1) (#23)

  • 20 bicycle crunches (tap left elbow to right knees count as 1, tap right elbow to left knee count as 2, etc) (#35)

  • 20 dead bugs (drop left arm and right leg count as 1, drop right arm and left leg count as 2, etc) (#51)

  • 20 single leg glute bridges (10 each leg) (#9)

  Remember, the number in parentheses corresponds with the explanation of said maneuver found on this reference page: CLICK HERE.

• An early head’s up that Doppelt Schmerzenfüste begins next weekend on Saturday, Jan. 26th. This means you can double any single Schmerzenfüste parameter (e.g. run a 10k instead of a 5K . . . ) or complete two Schmerzenfüste parameters in a single day and you will earn an extra 0.5p (and unlike most bonuses, this extra half punkte does transfer forward to your Gruppen total). Doppelt Schmerzenfüste will be available for three weeks . . .

• And finally, tonight affords you a rare chance to complete the Vargvolf Challenge for a +1.5p individual bonus. From 8:41pm to 9:41pm tonight, California will be treated to a rare lunar spectacle, the “Super Blood Wolf Moon” eclipse. Yes, tonight there is a total lunar eclipse starting at 8:41pm local time. Get outside for 15 min between 8:41pm and 9:41pm, post a walk under the moon to STRAVA, earn +1.5p. Due to cloud cover, you may or may not be able to see the eclipse. No cloud cover means you get to see it in all it’s glory but are also at risk of Vargvolf attack. No moon means no spectacle but also no risk of being bitten or mauled (as the Vagrvolf can only shapeshift under the actual light of a full moon . . . a lot of people get this wrong but GG knows). So go outside, walk for 15 min (post to STRAVA), look up at the sky and try not to get eaten, earn +1.5p. Good luck and GG is not responsible for life long effects of Vargvolf bites (it was covered in the liability waiver); you’re on your own there.

That’s it for this week. Don’t forget there’s a wicked 48 fast starting Tuesday for those who are taking on the challenge of HG Days #2 and #3. Be smart, make good choices and may the Füste be with you!

GG

Week 2 Update: Do you even Füste, bro?

Evening Füsters . . .

GG promises that tonight’s game update will be quick and painless. So let’s get to it!

• You are now 10 days into WF19. Time to take stock of where you’re at in the game. To date, GG has been incredibly impressed with what he’s seeing on a daily basis. He can honestly say that this is the most competitive Füste event in years!. For a hot second, it looked like Coyote might run the game (never mind The Wolf) but then along came a Neu-Füste named Marten and how quickly things changed. Since then, it’s been all out warfare on the Bestenliste! With seven weeks to go, anything is possible!

• Quick reminder. In order to earn your daily +1p for Schmerzenfüste, you must either post proof of a workout on STRAVA or send (read as text) GG some kind of work-out summary that shows definable heart rate data. Starting tomorrow, GG will not reward the daily Schmerze punkte without one of these two types of proof. This expectation should not come as a surprise to anyone currently playing.

• So far the most popular IBA has been the Eiswasserfüste challenge. This, quite frankly, comes as a shock to GG who can’t quite grasp the fact that so many would suffer such discomfort for +5p! Regardless, keep it up as this trend has shown just how seriously the competition is going to be through the end of the game.

• Another random theme that GG thought he’d share with you . . . What do these things have in common? Dude holding the phone and filming, animal (usually dog) interfering curiously with woman planking in front of a TV set? Yep, those are the most common occurrences in the plank videos GG has been receiving on the regular.

• A new IBA has been added to the website. Click here to check it out. The Plankenfüste GBA has also been updated for Week 2.

• This week starts Hungriger Geist (HG) Days. This Tuesday is HG Day #1 and is a full 24 hour fast. This is obviously different than Fastentag Days, which are the sunrise to sunset water only fast that takes place every Monday and Thursday of WF19 (yes, that includes tomorrow and this Thursday). HG Days start the midnight of the appointed day (this Tuesday) and go for 24 hours (so midnight to midnight). As this is the real deal, you may consume calories found in clear liquids, like juices or coconut water. You may also try the Das Tonikum, the Füste approved mixture of hot water, lemon juice, maple syrup or honey, and a dash of cayenne pepper. And to be clear, there is ZERO expectation that you do both Fastentag AND HG Days. If you’re happy with the sun based two time a week water fast, stick to that. If you want more of a challenge, bail on the Fastentag Days and give the full HG Day a try this Tuesday. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DO BOTH FASTENTAG AND HG DAYS! That was never GG’s intent. Make good choices here. Your family and co-workers will thank you.

• Week 2’s Hausaufgaben Assignment is to complete three rounds of the following:

  • 7 push-ups (20)

  • 7 forward lunges each leg, 14 total (22)

  • 14 sit ups to twist (52)

  • 14 squats (1) or 30 second wall hold for those with bad knees (to complete, stand with your back to a flat wall, press your back against the wall and slide down until your thighs are parallel to the floor, hold your arms straight out in front of you and hold position)

  • 20 hip bridges (28)

  • 10 v-ups (50)

  • 45 second plank (as always, planks performed on forearms)

• The number in parentheses after each of the iterations above corresponds with the explanation of said maneuver on a good reference page found HERE.

That’s it for now. Keep up the excellent work. GG can’t wait to see what happens during Week 2!

GG out

Week 1 Update

So there he was, your flank meat, just minding his own business after the holidays, fat and happy like a summer tick latched lovingly to a dog’s hind quarters. But then you had to go and do this “Füste” thing (some not for the first time) and now suddenly his life has turned upside down. Where are the big meals, the steins of fine ale, the glasses of wine and the tumblers of amber liquid poured languidly over singularly large and perfect cuts of ice? What happened to the gravy and the potatoes, the breads and the baked goods and all those deserts? Suddenly, his life, your flank meat’s very existence, has been called into question by your selfish (so selfish!) newly practiced self discipline! Do you mean to destroy me, he wants to yell up at you (but of course, having no mouth and being primarily a tube of adipose wrapped around your midsection, buttocks and thighs, he cannot emote or communicate outside of growing or shrinking). And after only the first four days of Winterfüste, you can smugly look down at him and say, “FU, pal, your reign of terror is coming to an end”.

That’s right, you’re now going on five days free of the trappings of sugar, fermented or otherwise, and the unholy nightmare of “processed” food stuffs, designed specifically to keep you sedated and thoughtless, overstuffed and sluggish and incapable of questioning the “why” of anything important. But soon, very soon, detoxification will begin, your hands will steady, your tongue will freshen, your blood will flow free and your eyes will be bright and constant. This “veränderung” (or change) as Mediziner Schneebärtchen called it, will come over you and like the simple caterpillar that retreats to it’s chrysalis to emerge later as a winged schmetterling, so shall you have changed into something powerful and lean and healthy (but probably without flight capability).

So GG commends you, as always for stepping onto the Spielbrett and taking this collective journey of self-improvement, one that so many before you have taken over the last two hundred years.

But enough of this self suckling, let’s talk shop . . .

You have survived the introductory period of WF19 and you have managed to not strangle or injure any bystanders. Good for you. But now it’s time for the game to really begin and this week, “Week 1”, will see several of the core game principles come into play.

• Fasting: Tomorrow, January 7th, begins the Fastentag tract. From here until game’s end, every Monday and every Thursday, if you so choose, you will perform a water only fast from sun-up till sun-down. Unlike its big bad brother HG Days, Fastentag does not allow for any caloric consumption during the fasting period. Water only (yes, you may consume water based “brews” like black coffee or tea, but that is slightly self-defeating). Be very careful if you are new to fasting as your system may be unprepared for a complete interruption of caloric uptake. If you become light headed or dizzy, eat something. This challenge is only worth 0.5p for each completed day, so it’s not worth keeling over and smashing your brain pan on the floor. If you manage to complete all 16 Fastentag Days for WF19, there will be a +5p bonus waiting for you the evening of Feb. 28th (but that is a long, long ways away). For those Füsting in NorCal, sun-up tomorrow is 07:26 and sunset is 17:05. Those playing in the Southern Expansion Pack will see sun-up at 06:52 and sunset at 04:58. If you will be partaking in this challenge, good luck and please make good decisions.

• Hausaufgaben: This week also introduces you to “homework”. The controlled destruction of your flank meat is not enough. You must seek to also rebuild yourself, to gain muscle where you once had only soft flesh. To help prod you into this uncomfortable activity, GG will assign you Hauaufgaben. Each week you will receive a work-out based homework assignment that you will need to complete at least three times during the week. This work out will include body weight work out dependencies only (meaning you will not need any equipment to complete). Because it is not practical for you to send proof in every time you complete your homework, GG reserves the right to audit you at any point in the game (his version of “drop and give me 20”). When called upon to complete an audit, you will have until 17:00 hours that day to send video proof of completion to GG (or JJ for the SEP players). Failure to submit or failure to complete the audit will find you sucking punkte from your Gruppen total like a black hole with a bad attitude. Pro-Füster tip: do your Hausaufgaben immediately after completing that day’s +1p Schmerzenfüste (exercise). It will be a lot easier than trying to motivate yourself to do the assignment cold.

  Week 1’s Hausaufgaben Assignment is to complete three rounds of the following:

  • 5 push-ups (20)

  • 5 forward lunges each leg, 10 total (22)

  • 10 sit ups to twist (52)

  • 10 squats (1) or 20 second wall hold for those with bad knees (to complete, stand with your back to a flat wall, press your back against the wall and slide down until your thighs are parallel to the floor, hold your arms straight out in front of you and hold position)

  • 10 hip bridges (28)

  • 5 v-ups (50)

  • 30 second plank (as always, planks performed on forearms)

The number in parentheses after each of the iterations above corresponds with the explanation of said maneuver on a good reference page found HERE.

• What happens if you get sick or injured during WF19? If this happens, you may have to go onto the DL or “disabled list”. If you move to the DL, your Gruppen will not be penalized and they will continue to receive your +3p each day that you are out. You, however, will continue to be held to the same daily standard as always UNLESS you take a Krankentag or “sick day”. Each player is allowed exactly three Krankentags per Füste. Taking a Krankentag means that you are too ill to be held to the performance requirements of the game for that day. You will receive your full +3p with no questions asked. However, be aware that Krankentags are meant to be used ONLY when you are very, very ill or injured. If you are found to have taken a Krankentag when not ill, simply so you could indulge yourself freely of all those things that would seek to destroy you, you will be immediately 86’d from the game with no refund. Krankentags are a show of mercy to you, the good Totemfi. Do not abuse said mercy.

• No new individual bonuses will be released this week, but Week 1’s Plankenfüste Gruppen Bonus Allowance has been updated on the website.

• Did you actually read this entire blog entry? If so, don’t forget to add the phrase “Der Wolf kommt” to tomorrow’s morning report-off (remember to include a report for both Saturday and Sunday’s activities). You’ll earn a +1p bonus for your reading comprehension skills.

That’s all for now. GG (and JJ) would like to commend everyone on their attention to the daily reporting aspect of the game. To date, reports have been made early each day, which is a gott schicke to the game managers. Excellent work, everyone! Also, GG would be remiss if he did not comment on how impressed he is with so many T-Füstes hitting the really difficult bonuses early. It has been a long time since so many have “ice watered” or “snow angeled” during the first five days of a Winterfüste event. Truly commendable! Keep it up and möge die Füste mit sein!

GG

GAME ON!

Guten tag, Füsters and willkommen to Winterfüste 2019, the 220th anniversary edition of Mediziner Schneebärtchen’s radical social experiment to wage war on the inevitable complacency of the human condition. Today begins the annual Winter battle against the flank meat that spent the holiday season invading and conquering your personal landscape. Go stand naked before a mirror (GG will wait) and behold the horror of what you have become over the last 90 days. Now let that image burn into your brain because as of this morning, it all stops! As Mediziner Schneebärtchen first declared in 1799, NICHT MEHR!.

But enough sermonizing from GG, let’s get down to brass tacks as it were . . .

Have you reviewed the Regelbuch (Rule Book) yet? If not, first ask yourself why you are like this, and second click here to do so immediately.

Let’s start with some opening day BONUSPUNKTE !

• Bauchfüste Fettleibigkeit Reporting Bonus: In the past, you’ve mailed in your starting weight for this bonus competition (don’t know what GG is talking about? Click here to review all currently available game bonuses). This year, we’re doing things different. This morning, step on a scale and take a pic of the weight (if you have gnarly paws please wear socks as GG has low tolerance for poor foot health) and text the pic to GG (or JJ is you’re playing in the Southern Expansion Pack (SEP) game). Your starting weight will be recorded and the pic will be deleted. You will then receive a +1p reporting bonus to start your Füste!

• Kinder zu Hause Bonus: New this year, a bonus for those who have sought to play forward their genetic code to guarantee that flank meat has something to do in 2050! Do you have children at home who are 16 or younger? Are these children a constant source of stress and debilitation during a Füste event? Feel like you should get credit for dealing with this while you’re trying to eat right and not drink yourself into peaceful oblivion every night? GG agrees! So today, send a text to GG (or JJ for the SEP players) and declare the number of dependent children you currently have living under your roof and you’ll receive a +3p bonus for each wenig lästig! It does not matter if you “share” them with another adult . . . you’ll get the punkte either way.

• Report on these two opening day bonus opportunities immediately, as in now, this morning, Jan. 2nd, don’t wait, just do it, send the texts NOW to get your bonuspunkte!

Now some game pointers for successful play . . .

• Please hold your daily reporting summary until the following day. This means that whatever you do (or don’t do) today will be reported tomorrow. Food, drink and exercise points (and proof) should all be reported together tomorrow before noon via a simple and concise text to GG (or JJ for the SEPs). Bonus activity (and proof) can be reported at any time but it would help GG out if you create a consolidated report each day to cover yesterday’s activity. However, GG knows you get excited and want to send bonus activity in the moment and that’s fine . . .

• And while we’re on the topic of reporting . . . Sunday’s are a day of rest, meaning that YOU WILL NOT REPORT to GG (or JJ) on Sunday. You will wait until Monday morning and then report off on both Saturday and Sunday’s activity. So once again, do not report off on Sunday for Saturday’s daily activity. Wait until Monday. Report on both Saturday and Sunday on Monday morning. Hopefully this makes sense.

• Moving forward, most game communication will follow this format: you’ll receive a text that directs you here to the website blog. Email communication will be kept to a minimum as it seems fairly unreliable. However, do realize that your Totemfüste assignment went out over the weekend to your email, as well as a separate information email yesterday that included the “how to pay” link and information. If you have not paid your game fee yet, please do so as soon as possible. You have till this Friday at 17:00 hours and then you will be summarily dropped from competition and your T-Füste will be retired to a dark and quiet cave for the Winter.

• Remember that lack of Schmerze (exercise) for 72 hours straight will cost your Gruppen a -10p hit. That’s pretty significant and will definitely lead to your piked head being called for . . . So just get out there at least once every three days and fulfill a Schmerzenfüste parameter so your Gruppen mates don’t come for you with torches and pitch forks . . .

• And on that note, lack of reporting for 72 hours will lead to an immediate DNF (did not finish) and expulsion from the game (without a refund!). You came here to play, committed to yourself to defeat your meat, so don’t mess it up by being a lazy drechsack and not report. Set a daily alarm NOW! It’s so easy to report off, just 30 seconds of your time and a text to GG (or JJ) and you’re done for the day.

A couple of final points:

• There is no Hausaufgaben Assignment (home work) for this week. Home work will start next week during the first full week of game play. Check back here on Sunday for the details of what will lie in wait for you next week.

• The first Fastentag Day is next Monday. That’s the first fasting day of WF19. Remember, on Fastentag Days, fasting starts at sun-up and goes to sun down. More on this on Sunday’s weekly update.

Alright, that’s it for now. Congratulations on your dedication to self-improvement and GG wishes you a highly successful Füste-based campaign against your flank meat! Welcome to the new year and hopefully a radically smaller you in 8 weeks time.

GG out.

Oh, did you read that whole diatribe? Good. Text GG (or JJ for the SEPs) “Ich lese es” NOW to receive a +1p secret bonus!

Finale Sömmer Kamp Update - August 24th

Morning Füsters . . . 

We sit today on the eve of the Finalefüste and what an interesting journey it's been to get here. For one, GG learned that Sömmer based Füsting for our desert based Totemfi is a major challenge. Hard to bonus when it's 115F outside. Also, it seems like the seasonal expectation of a cold beer at the end of a hot Summer afternoon was just too much for too many. As of this morning, we have the largest number of DNF'd Totemfi that we've ever seen in a Füste. Twenty-one Füsters just could not make it through the full seven week (also interesting to note this was the shortest Füste too) event. That's more Füsters than are left on either of the two Gruppens! And as mentioned before, it seems that at the current level of infrastructure (no app based reporting system and local game play only) the Füste's future will be Winterfüste based only for the foreseeable future. So if you're interested in Füsting in 2019, plan accordingly as there will only be the one event. 

Alright, some final notes . . .

• As already mentioned, tomorrow is the FInalfüste where those who are attending will be thrown in the meat grinder known as the Finale Konfrontation. The forecast is for a high of 81F at the time we'll be getting started so it will be warm. You are going to be active for about an hour so wear something sporty that you don't mind getting dirty. And then the temp is going to drop into the upper 60's as the afternoon goes on so a sweatshirt would probably be a good idea too. But most importantly, remember that Hitzegruppen should wear a red top and Sonnegruppen a yellow.
• After much thought and learning that some Füsters were going to do it anyways, GG is stepping the menu back to the good ol' traditional pizza (as opposed to half cooked chicken and burgers on the park's charcoal grills). So if that was your plan, know that GG has you covered. Please bring tasty appetizer type foods to supplement or a "dessert" like substance.
• If you kept a Foodenbuch, please remember to bring it to the Finalefüste so you may earn your  bonus. Also, for those who are participating in the Bauchfüste Fettleibigkeit Challenge, you'll be weighing in naked in front of everyone so prepare for that experience.. GG jests, of course, but yes there will be a scale there to get your final weights. You may want to weigh yourself at home naked and then with your FK outfit on so you know how much to subtract from that final weigh in.
• Did you slay your Drachen? GG has to say he is very pleased with the Sömmer Kamp Drachen body count. You guys have really outdone yourself when it came to putting down those big scaly bastards. While some really went overboard and are probably permanently damaged (GG's going to have to update his "days since a work place injury" sign), everyone who actually took on the Drachen challenge did an amazing job of finding something that would be a real challenge and then getting out there to see that challenge through. Given that Drachen-slayage is almost completely self-driven, it's really amazing to see what you guys can do! Hopefully you surprised yourself . . .

Remember you can still earn daily activity punkte for tomorrow so the game isn't over until 16:00 hours in the park. Still a chance to move up in the rankings or drop that one Totemfi who's been shadowing you for the last couple of weeks. Finish strong!

In case there's any confusion around exactly where to go tomorrow, GG will send each of you a text with a pinpoint location at about 3pm. If you're driving over, remember that parking will primarily be found in the park and therefore you'll have to pay. If you're planning on drinking, it's always a much better idea to Lyft over.

See you tomorrow and have a great last two days of Füsting!

Update August 17th

Quick update as we move into the final weekend of Sömmer Kamp . . . 

• It's time for your Drachenfüste. For those who have proposed, tomorrow marks the the first day you can pull the trigger on your Drachen slayage. For those who haven't, are you really going to just give away +10p because of a little pain and suffering? Get your proposal into GG, get it approved and then get it done!
• Don't forget that we're firmly in Trippelt country now. Tripple the Schmerze means triple the punkte!
• So much bonuspunkte left on the table right now. Give yourself a healthy bump in the rankings by knocking out some of the bonus allowances. How hard could it be to hit a couple people with wasserballons (actually based on some of the videos sent to GG, it's apparently VERY difficult)?
• Invitations went out earlier in the week for the Finalefüste and GG really needs you to RSVP so that he can plan accordingly. At this point, and GG's just going to say it, there are not enough people attending to actually have a Finale Konfrontation. So please just respond to the invite (check your spam folder if you didn't see it) yay or nay so that GG knows what he's doing next Saturday.

That's it. No much left to say. Have a great weekend and get out there for one last big push this final week. After the 25th you're back on your own and staring down the barrel of the coming holiday season where you're flank meat will be waiting for you disguised first as the Great Pumpkin, then a stuffed turkey, and finally as a stocking filled with tasty treats. Hopefully the work you did over the last seven weeks will help you stare down that threat with minimal negative impact. An interesting note, GG is pretty certain this will be the last non-Winterfüste Füsting event. There just seems to be something about the cold, post-holiday blues that really drives a Füster to greatness. The rest of the year, not so much. Sömmer Kamp has been an interesting experiment but seems to have been more of a struggle than a celebration. So, thank you all for participating. GG always learns a lot from each of these Füsting events. One last "did you actually read this bonus" . . . text GG the German for "long dog" to gain a +1p individual bonus!

See you next Saturday (hopefully) . . . 

Update August 13th

Morning Füsters . . . see anything cool in the sky last night? Hopefully the smoke wasn't too bad where you were and you got to see the Perseid's do their thing!

Now let's talk about Week 6 (less than two weeks of Sömmer Kamp left):

• Your Hausaufgaben Assignment for Week 6 is to complete three rounds of the following: 12 standard push-ups, 25 sit-ups (do not secure your feet), 35 air squats (or 75 second wall-hold) and a 60 second plank, take a 1 minute break, do a 2nd 60 second plank (yep, you can do it). You'll want to practice this assignment at least three times this week.
• Two HG Days this week, one on Tuesday and you guessed it, one on Friday. Dawn to dusk. Tuesday 6:24am to 8:05pm and Friday 6:27am to 8:01pm. 
• Invites will be going out for the Finalfüste soon so please make sure to RSVP so GG has a good headcount for the Finale Konfrontation. Given how close the Gruppen game has been, we'll need all hands on deck to make this the battle it deserves to be. And don't worry, GG promises a much improved FK experience over last Winterfüste . . . that kind of fell apart. We've got a great venue to fit the Sömmer Kamp theme and there will be some serious down and dirty game play so mentally prepare yourself now!
• Drachen proposals are due not later than end of business day on this Friday. So get em in so GG can you give you the thumb's up (and hopefully not down). Remember, this is about pushing yourself into new and scary territory (which you can totally handle) so figure it out and send it over!

Alright, that's enough for now. Have a great week and as always, may the Füste be with you.